Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Hips Don't Lie...

If you've been reading this blog, in it's many appellations, over the years you already know that I am nothing if not excellent at making an ass out of myself both in public and in private.

It's a gift.

In any case yesterday I decided to try belly dancing. I was going to be all:

Only less purple.

My thoughts on attempting la danse orientale were twofold: exercise (always a plus) and grace (I am awkward). Both good goals. I felt noble.

I've been trying to get into a yoga class (long story), I've thought about taking hula (my secret ambition, INTERNET) and I sometimes attempt to vacuum with a book on my head (true story) so clicking, "view now", on the Health and Wellness portion of FreeTV OnDemand is hardly a stretch... it's all part of my ongoing quest to find my inner swan.

The episode cues up and reminds me to consult my doctor before beginning any exercise program and then out comes the instructor.

She's a cute and fit gal who begins by listing her qualifications: She has danced for both Nancy Reagan and the Spellings. I'm suitably impressed... (unless by The Spellings she doesn't mean first tier now deceased Aaron Spelling but instead 4th tier Spelling son Randy in which case I rescind being impressed.)

We begin!

Right foot out, weight on ball of the said foot, arms in "L" posistion and hip thrust! Kick on 2! Hip thrust! Kick on 2!

Other side

And circle... front/right/back/left again and travel with it... step out and circle feet together... step out and circle and move across the floor BACK TO HIP THRUST and KICK ON 2!

Y'all. I sucked.

I sucked so much that the chihuahuas looked away. Sad for me.

Turns out I am even more ungainly than I realized.

Less Shakira and more Shamu.

I kept hitting pause in order to try and master the move and then continue on but to no avail... just when I sort of got it together we would move on to the next step and while I will proudly admit to being able to do the Egyptian Shimmy... The Camel, the signature belly undulation which gives Belly Dancing it's name, not only thwarted me in that I was unable to make my body cooperate with what my eyes were taking in but also ended up giving me a stomach ache and feeling a bit queasy.


The question of course is this: do I try again in the hope that I improve, leaping up one day to tantalize my husband with my mastery of hip thrusts or do I simply clip a leash on the dogs and take them for a walk during which I resign myself to simply clapping along with life's dancing moments?

Truth be told, I'll do it again which means the real question is whether or not Google Earth can see inside my windows?


Anonymous said...

it is confirmed...we are related!!there is a biological component at work here, even though I am older by 9yrs.

Anonymous said...

Don't want to comment!!!

furiousBall said...

belly dancing is a weakness of mine. I blame it on barbara eden and dream of genie

Shelley said...

Kiki kill me, man!

And what a brave little soldier you are for even trying and then writing about it.


Kristin said...

It's like I make an ass out of myself so you don't have to...

Jen on the Edge said...

Dance away! Yes, walk too, but also dance. As I said on my blog last week, self consciousness is the enemy of fun. Don't worry about what you look like, just enjoy yourself.

bill lum said...

Don't quit, nobody's watching except the dogs.

Los said...

Nobody gets it right the first time, do they? Keep trying!