Monday, March 09, 2009

The Post Where I Tell You About NOT Punching Out My Doctor

This morning I had an appointment with my cardiologist. Now, I really love this man. He's as dry as the Sahara, yet I think maybe, with a couple of tequila shots, he would be the type of person who would surprise you by kicking ass at RockBand all the while talking about the summer of '82 when he followed The Dead around Europe. Of course, this is simply conjecture on my part, but you know... there is something going on behind those Foster Grants.

Anyway, we have an odd relationship. I'm one of his younger patients and have been seeing him for 10 years. We've had chummy chats about infertility and adoption and I also drive him crazy because I am crap about remembering appointments and it often takes 2 or 3 cancellations before I actually show... a trait that makes me tremendously unpopular with the office staff and with my husband. Hugh likes it when I go to the doctor. He thinks it will help me live longer. Oh, Hugh!

Now, today was my (rescheduled) 3 month checkup (from October), and I showed up and had to get on the Scale of Doom (I always manage to weigh more on his scale than on my own) and hello, DOOM. So, I say to him, "Damn, I'm the size of a bus" and he says, "Not really" and I say, "How about a nice script for some drugs" and he says, "There really isn't anything good... " and so I suggest a run to Tijuana to see what they're selling South of the Border, Down Mexico Way... and he sighs and suggests that I simply, "Eat Less and Exercise More."

Seriously.

I was like, "YOU GENIUS YOU!" and then I said, "I'm coming across this table and going for your throat!", "Good Plan."

I think I sense a bestseller. 2 pages long. Very helpful.

Bless his heart.

As for me, well it's back to friggin' Curves. The gym of the elderly is just about my speed.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

I ♥ Curves. As you say, the gym of the elderly is the gym for me!

Shelley said...

Yours and mine both, darling. Except I think the grannies would kick my ass. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Eat less and exercise more.

He's got my vote!

Lisa

Kristin said...

Anon - I'll look for you there... I'll be the one getting schooled by an octogenarian.

Shelley - JOIN ME in HELL!

Lisa - Dr. of the year, clearly. ;-)

Crouching Mother Hidden Diva said...

I think I'm going to chuck it all in and start my new career as a competitive eater.

Anonymous said...

I could come over and breathe on you. I'm sick now, as is John. If it works like it did for Sydney and Kate, I won't eat for a week. ;D

Anonymous said...

Oops. That was Becky who said that!

Catholic Runner said...

LOL, the gym of the elderly! That eat less and move more sounds so good in theory...

Kristin said...

Jenn - We could so take that hot dog guy and the shrimp girl.

Bex - Oh no! Just lick something and pop it in the mail please...1 case of stomach 'flu, coming up!

CR - I know... so very simple, yet, Ring Ding anyone?

furiousBall said...

hand farting burns almost no calories. just throwing that out there.

Kristin said...

Van - So, you're saying I should stop?

Pollyanna said...

Yes, I once went to a nutritionist who told me to eat carrot sticks instead of cookies. GENIUS! Why didn't I think of that?

I also love people who say, "Have you ever tried dieting, dear?" NO, NEVER. Please tell me how that works exactly. Grrrr.

And I used to go to Curves. I loved it! I should join again. *sigh*

Jason, as himself said...

Kristin! Just when I thought you and your blog were things of the past....hello! And I missed you.

I'm sorry that you even have to be seeing a cardiologist at your spry young age.

Kayce said...

I would so love to eat less and exercise more! HA! For me it's the other way around...see food eat it, see exercise run from it.

Stephanie said...

Oh, if only I could get that mantra in my head...eat more, exercise less. Ooops, I mean eat less, exercise more - see, I can't get it all straight in my head.

Jenn said...

Ah yes...if it were only that easy. =o)

Anonymous said...

It's me, Barbara, not Anonymous- You knoooow......I could snag you after my bus stop duty not 30 paces from your front door and make you walk with me. I do it at least once a week. But I hate rejection; I envision knocking on your door only to see a flicker of movement as the curtains are drawn closed, no answer...just the sound of fuzzy slippers scurrying in retreat.....Would that happen? Or would you come for a (not too) brisk walk in the gorgeous spring morning sun with me? Just once, to say you did? Aw, c'mon!