Monday, June 09, 2008

Frankly, I Don't Have The Lingerie

Imagine my surprise to find out that a very nice couple, whom I have known for about 10 years, the kind of couple where the Christmas newsletters are written in rhyme and the outgoing message on the voice mail changes with the seasons, is splitting up because of the numerous affairs he has had throughout their marriage.

Yes, while she was having babies and creating a home for her family, her husband was off boinking anything with a pulse.


It boggles the mind.

I understand being tempted and "down cycles" and even the odd inappropriate flirty friendships with that friendly Fed-Ex guy or receptionist at the office... after all, we're human and our libidos aren't always in sync with our spouse and it's not out of line to assume that everyone has their fantasies or their "what-ifs".

But acting on it? Throwing away the vows you took and the trust your spouse has in you for what? 15 minutes of sex? Feeling special? Or young?

If things are that suck-ass at home, maybe try therapy first or just go ahead and get that divorce... there's no need to be so tacky.

It just can't be as romantic as it seems. What the thrill of it all?

Personally, I hate sneaking out. The few times, back in high school, when I did I A) ended up in the background of a local newscast and got caught. B) ran into my mother's best friend and was caught. C) ran out of gas and had to call my dad for a ride... yes, caught again. It doesn't work for me, so I can't quite see trying it now... Um, honey? I am going to Palm Springs with ... with a bunch of friends you don't know! No, I don't know where I'm staying... um, I'll call you?

Then coming home and looking at your kids who think you were working late or on a girls night out when in actuality you were holed up where? A motel? Or a charming inn? Or someone's home?

Maybe I'm naive.

It's not for me.

Not to mention - I 'd probably have to buy all new underwear.


Anonymous said...

I once looked my husband dead in the eye and told him our marriage would not end in divorce and if he ever had an affair, our marriage would end, but not in divorce. He understood my point very well.

Kristin said...

Jen - I couldn't love you more right now.

Shelley said...

LOL - Hey, don't you go getting any ideas about that FedEx guy. He's mine! :)

I know it happens ...and it's usually shocking when you hear about it. I recently found out that a girl that was a close friend in high school ...who married her high school sweetheart and both became teachers and created a perfect little family in my home town ...was caught messing around with a school administrator. It's often those you just wouldn't think it would happen to.

I also don't see the appeal. Commitment is where it's at.

BTW - Having been cheated on by a previous wife (#2), I do believe Rich said something similar to me when we first got married. ;D Hah!

hippo brigade said...

I cheated on a boyfriend a while back when I was in college (before I met my husband-the man of my dreams::swoon::). I was a daft prick, and I felt so dirty, sinful, and kinda skanky. I told my boyfriend right away, because I am a horrid liar. It broke my heart to know how selfish I was. But I was young, stupid, and hot. Marriage is different, it's promising vows, and having children, and pooing with the door open, and baring your soul--I can't imagine how you can cheat. Awful. just awful.

Mel said...

POOING with the DOOR OPEN? ::gasp:: ::clutch pearls:: NEVER! ;)

But seriously, yes, I've had the opportunities many times over the years, but pretended they didn't exist. What's the point? It's just an ego stroke, and I can stroke my ego just fine by knowing I could if I wanted to. That's far enough into dangerous territory for me. I prefer the love and trust of my marriage to fear and dislike and, eventually, disgust.

Kristin said...

Shelley - Oh, not your Fed-Ex man... *wink*

Beckey - with the door open??? girl, you so crazy!

Mel - I think you're right... knowing is kind of a smug satisfaction... doing is just ugh.

Kayce said...

So with you on this one...NOT OKAY! I've always told my husband, if you want to have an affair let me know first so we can get a divorce before it happens. I do know an affair will never happen in our marriage since in our first marriages we were each cheated on. EXHOLES!!

Shelley said...

BTW - Since 'Razzi is still averse to comments, I'll leave it here:


furiousBall said...

i don't have the lingerie either

Kristin said...

Kayce - I agree... if the affair is looming, let's just call the lawyers.

Shelley - I think our new site should be up and running sooner than later!!

FB - really, it all comes down to underwear.

Amy Y said...

The dissolution of a friend's marriage is almost as unsettling to me as the potential dissolution of my own was. Especially if you've only known those two people as a couple.

I'm sorry for your friend... I've walked in those shoes and I know how much she's hurting right now.

Kathryn said...

My ex cheated and it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I felt like such an idiot when I thought back over the past 5 months of our relationships and all the lies he must have told, I was furious. I thought he was working late and out with his friends and hunting over the weekends when he was actually out fucking one of the women from his bank. Asshole.

Grandma J said...

How sad for your friend. I know this post was about something serious, but I couldn't help but laugh when I read:

"ended up in the background of a local newscast and got caught."

So I guess your parents saw you on the Evening News? Oh wait, it had to be the Late Night News.

Anonymous said...

FANTASTIC post. And can you believe the newscast happened to me? I lied to my parents about going to a wrestling tournament to watch the boy I had a crush on compete. I omitted the part that the tournament was like a 3 hour drive away. Well, well, well guess who tuned in to the news just in time to see my shiny happy face in the stands of that there tournament? YEPPERS. It was so ridiculous, my parents couldn't even get mad. I was so obviously busted. The lesson was a punishment in itself!

As for this?

If things are that suck-ass at home, maybe try therapy first or just go ahead and get that divorce... there's no need to be so tacky.


Kristin said...

Amy - It certainly changes things.

Kathryn - I can only imagine... that is a lot of lying and a lot of bridges burned.

Grandma J. - It was pretty funny in retrospect... unless you were my parents, then it was CODE RED!

Nino - NO WAY! You and I are cut from the same goofy cloth!

CDJ said...

Dude! I have a friend (of a friend) who is going through a divorce right now after finding out her husband of at least 10 years has been having an affair for like 3 or 4 years. With the same woman. Who thinks he's already divorced. All those "medical conferences" he had to attend? Yeah, boinking. He even quit his job and got a new one IN ANOTHER STATE all the while trying to pull the wool over his wife's eyes. WHAT ARE PEOPLE THINKING? How hard must that have been for him to pull off that double life? How was that the best choice in his mind? Seriously, asshole, pick a life and live it. People are nuts!

Kristin said...

Jill - I know! The sheer enormity of having to manage all those lies is enough to send me to bed with a migraine.

carrie said...

I never quite get it either. Just end it already, THEN boink whomever you please!

gorillabuns said...

I told my husband if he decided to cheat, he'd die. I wouldn't do it but I would find someone else to take care of it. cheaply.