Guess what? Miss Jodi, EvaJun's preschool teacher, told me that the staff refer to Eva as "Mini-Jodi" because they look so much alike.
In fact, they're sooo alike, on 3 occasions, they've worn almost the same outfit!
Cowboy boots, ruffled miniskirt, & tank top? Check!
Leggings, tee shirt & black flats? Check!
Jeans with pink Roxy hoodie & Vans tennies ? Check, check and check!
Hahahahah... isn't that cute?
Miss Jodi looks like this:
only with legs.
Eva looks like this:
Only she doesn't have as much hair.
See my point?
My sassy and beautiful daughter, who is Chinese by nationality, has a sassy and beautiful teacher who just by also being Chinese looks more like her than I ever will.
Matching pretty Bratz dolls.
I hear you now, Internet...
It doesn't matter! She's your daughter! She has your qualities! Not all Chinese people look alike! Bratz dolls look like whores!
And you are right.
But only partially.
I am surprised by this.
I really am.
It's not an issue from some narcissistic need to breed and multiply myself... rather it comes from a need to claim some sort of ownership (I use the word loosely) on this child of mine.
This child of mine.
Eva is my daughter. It's more than the adoption hoo haw of "born in my heart"... she is my daughter.
I don't know, unless you are also an adoptive parent or step-parent if you can understand that distinction.
And I don't want anything threatening my relationship with her. I am almost more protective of her and of her heart... because I fear that these ties, these fucking legal ties, that bind us are not tight enough... how can she be born one woman's daughter and in a matter of well placed letters and a little help from destiny, be mine?
I don't know.
But there is a small and mean part, only shared with you, Internet, that is afraid she may wish for a Miss Jodi over a me.
Can I (try to) explain?
My children's peace of mind, body and soul are my biggest concerns... that's what keeps me up at night... wondering how to help preserve these things for them... how to bubble wrap them into safety while still letting them experience their life and all it has to offer... good and, unfortunately bad.
Do Jake and Jack have it easier? Is there some biological imperative that guarantees them a less stressful adolescence? Better relationship choices?
Does the fact that they look just like me. Just. Like. Me. (oh, and Hugh too) make their life easier, or is it just like someone being a good speller... can be handy, but not necessary for a successful life?
Am I reading way too much into this?
After all, this is part and parcel of the reality of my children.
It's not as though real problems aren't going to come along and bite me in the ass.
At least problems more significant than being envious of the preschool teacher.
But, with the world joyfully pointing out in the world's non-toxic and shiny way (ha!) that your daughter actually resembles total strangers and Not You, do the odds of challenging-life-ahead rise?
btw, I have agonized over publishing this post, so please, try to be a little sensitive to that fact before you bash the hell out of me.