How To Know If You Are Kristin...

Are you ever so very very busy that you maybe don't actually have time for your life? Does most of your life occur either in the car or on the cell phone? Or both? Has your internal clock decided that sleep is for wussies? Do you love to read blogs but cannot because your laptop is still not working and you do not have the hours necessary to sit in your children's' room and be glued to their PC? *Note to self... replace attractive but painful desk chair in kids' room...

If you answered, "yes", to one or more of the above questions, you might be me.

Are you taking, in a Hummer limo, a total of 9 boys to Medieval Times to celebrate your child's 10th birthday? Are you paying the driver massive amounts of money to then drop all the children off after the party so that no. way. in. hell can any of them sleep over?

If you are willing to pay massive amounts of money to ensure that no actual celebrating takes place in your newly redone house, because the very idea of that many boys in your teeny-tiny home makes you a little ill, you might be me.

If you also have been on the fringe of a conversation in which the following: weekend trips to Catalina, over the top birthday parties, surf trips to Mexico and ski trips to New Mexico, were mentioned, negatively, and then someone in the group realized that you are partaking of all of those things within the next few months... and then there was the awkward silence of judgment, you might be me.

Are you chairing, for the 3rd year, the decorations committee for the school fundraiser? The same fundraiser that you swore you would never be anything more than a guest at again? Do you have 3 people on your committee of 6 who have full time jobs and can't do jack shit? Did you send those 3 people a hostile email telling them they were going to billed, at $20 an hour for their lack of participation? If so, you might be me.

Are you paying your housekeeper extra money to bake the gorgeous leaf shaped cookies that you are placing on each table as a "fun" favor?

Is your calendar full and occupied for every fucking minute of the week. I need to buy tivoli lights for the stage... pick up the floral order from Carlsbad... prep the flowers for Friday... underwrite the cost of the table favors... buy something to wear... have parent teacher conferences... pay my VISA bill... order and shop and send ahead our Thanksgiving groceries to the caretaker at the Avalon Tuna Club... get Botox... buy Jake his birthday presents... his list is as follows: Al Merrick Surfboad, iPod Nano, new skateboard... apparently he thinks his parents are actually Don and Melania Trump.

Last night, as I paced around the room at 4:10, Hugh told me not to worry... it would all be fine.

If you contemplated placing a pillow very snugly across your husband's mouth... well, you might be me.

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So folks, until my laptop is in tip-top order, I will only be posting on Tuesdays... it's my Mamarazzi day and you have to take a gander at my post on Kirstie Alley... I know it's the week of TomKat, but I can't really bear them, so I am keeping my eyes closed to the whole wedding magilla!

I miss blogging and I can't wait to be back in the game.

Happy Tuesday, everyone.