Tuesday, November 14, 2006

How To Know If You Are Kristin...

Are you ever so very very busy that you maybe don't actually have time for your life? Does most of your life occur either in the car or on the cell phone? Or both? Has your internal clock decided that sleep is for wussies? Do you love to read blogs but cannot because your laptop is still not working and you do not have the hours necessary to sit in your children's' room and be glued to their PC? *Note to self... replace attractive but painful desk chair in kids' room...

If you answered, "yes", to one or more of the above questions, you might be me.

Are you taking, in a Hummer limo, a total of 9 boys to Medieval Times to celebrate your child's 10th birthday? Are you paying the driver massive amounts of money to then drop all the children off after the party so that no. way. in. hell can any of them sleep over?

If you are willing to pay massive amounts of money to ensure that no actual celebrating takes place in your newly redone house, because the very idea of that many boys in your teeny-tiny home makes you a little ill, you might be me.

If you also have been on the fringe of a conversation in which the following: weekend trips to Catalina, over the top birthday parties, surf trips to Mexico and ski trips to New Mexico, were mentioned, negatively, and then someone in the group realized that you are partaking of all of those things within the next few months... and then there was the awkward silence of judgment, you might be me.

Are you chairing, for the 3rd year, the decorations committee for the school fundraiser? The same fundraiser that you swore you would never be anything more than a guest at again? Do you have 3 people on your committee of 6 who have full time jobs and can't do jack shit? Did you send those 3 people a hostile email telling them they were going to billed, at $20 an hour for their lack of participation? If so, you might be me.

Are you paying your housekeeper extra money to bake the gorgeous leaf shaped cookies that you are placing on each table as a "fun" favor?

Is your calendar full and occupied for every fucking minute of the week. I need to buy tivoli lights for the stage... pick up the floral order from Carlsbad... prep the flowers for Friday... underwrite the cost of the table favors... buy something to wear... have parent teacher conferences... pay my VISA bill... order and shop and send ahead our Thanksgiving groceries to the caretaker at the Avalon Tuna Club... get Botox... buy Jake his birthday presents... his list is as follows: Al Merrick Surfboad, iPod Nano, new skateboard... apparently he thinks his parents are actually Don and Melania Trump.

Last night, as I paced around the room at 4:10, Hugh told me not to worry... it would all be fine.

If you contemplated placing a pillow very snugly across your husband's mouth... well, you might be me.

**

So folks, until my laptop is in tip-top order, I will only be posting on Tuesdays... it's my Mamarazzi day and you have to take a gander at my post on Kirstie Alley... I know it's the week of TomKat, but I can't really bear them, so I am keeping my eyes closed to the whole wedding magilla!

I miss blogging and I can't wait to be back in the game.

Happy Tuesday, everyone.

31 comments:

Christina_the_wench said...

LMAO Kristin. I've missed your wit lately.

Tuesday Girl said...

Wow, that is some list.

Stephanie A. said...

LOL @ "get Botox". . . seriously? You're gorgeous, girl! You don't even need it.

But it does sound like you need a massage or pedicure or something completely relaxing. Take care of yourself!

Joannah said...

Kristin, you are missed!

Connie said...

There it is...I might be you! ('cept that Botox part ;0) The every minute scheduled part? Yup, usually.

You need a vacation from your life :0)

jennster said...

oh man. can you just pay me everything you were going to pay for all of those things, and stuff, and etc.. and i can give you nothing i return?!?!?! LOL

kim said...

well no way im gonna get my life mixed up with yours ...im tired just reading that list lol
*huggers* miss ya lotsssssss

Melissa said...

Girl I miss you, so I hope you come back soon. Ignore the negative peeps and have a fan-fucking-tastic time on all those trips. All I can say is, I now know how busy I will be when my kids are bigger. I think I like kindergarten and my two activity at a time rule....I won't be letting her move on. ;)

Hey, you're skiing in New Mexico? I didn't know that was possible. It snows there?

COme back to us soon.

something blue said...

Pinching self. Ouch! Nope. Still me. But I do need to pay my VISA bill.

All children believe their parents are made of money. Oh the rude awakening.

Los said...

Geez, have you ever seen that movie, Multiplicity? It sounds like you could use another you ... or two ... or three.

Mrs. Chicky said...

Yes, my dear, you are one busy woman.

But, really? Botox?

Oh, The Joys said...

So... will we be doing a "Black and White Theme?" Heh. I can't believe you're at that again, sister!!

Miss you,
OTJ

Gracencameronsmomy said...

UMMM, I hate to add to your calandar, but I will be down there the weekend of Dec. 1st...are you busy (ha!!)
Lisa

Stepping Over the Junk said...

wow, the very reason I dont join anything, volunteer for much, or go past the "we'll have a cake with pizza and just us on your birthday" type thing. I dont have a husband anymore so that helps...good luck with all your stuff! Dont forget to breathe!

wzgirl said...

With all of that going on?? Definitely, definitely avoid the TomKat madness....a girl can only withstand so much.

Anonymous said...

you are like the Queen of over-scheduled...what WOULD you do if Hugh whisked you away with meds and sans kids for 3 weeks of decompression?

Frosty

Kristin said...

Frosty-

Probably think that his body had been taken over by the pod people.

And Ladies who are all under 30... oh yes, Botox...

Damselfly said...

Woah, it's not even the holidays yet. You gotta slow down somehow! I'm with Stephanie A. -- get a massage.

BTW, you might be me if you're hosting Thanksgiving for a family of 12 just two months after having a baby and your dining room table looks like a Hurricane Katrina victim.

Kristin said...

Damselfly,

I hate to say this, but I hosted Thanskgiving for 17 less than 2 weeks after my first child was born...


Well, if you call nursing and sleeping all afternoon "hosting"!

I was OCD in those days... then I discovered meds.

sweatpantsmom said...

Oh, Kristin - it's so exhausting just reading about you, I can't imagine BEING you. I hope you get a nice long vacation when you've finished that list.

I think those hostile emails are a great idea. I'm going to try that the next time the slacker PTA moms try and get out of manning the bake sale table.

Pendullum said...

I am soooooo missing you....
I figure you should post Hugh's e-mail address so we innundate his laptop wih e-mail from all of us...If anything he can print off all your fan mail...and hand it to you while you are lighting the stage for the schoolfundraiser...
or while you have a spare minute at Medieval Times??/
You have one jam packed calandar...
Bet you are missing the 'Penis Colada days!'
As we are missing you!

sunshine scribe said...

You crack me up. And exhaust me just reading that!!

dodo said...

now you're just toying with me. enslave me for life, then tease me? get all tantalisey Tuesday or nothing with me???

Jodi said...

wow. You are BUSY! Very busy. You need as assistant or something...goodness....

InterstellarLass said...

Oy! I'm sending you some Calgon!

carrie said...

That sounds familiar . . . well, not really, different stuff and definitely no Botox, that just isn't fair!!!!

And I would pay obscene amounts of money to keep a gaggle of boys out of my newly re-done house too, people have no idea what they are capable of!!!

Hang in there, and it sounds like those vaca's coming up will be well worth it!

Carrie

hautemama said...

Ohhh i sooo looking forward to your take on the whole TomKat thing...c'mon c'mon!
I know I'll be boo-ed for admitting this, but I wish I was going!!

Lisa said...

Wow. Every minute of your day IS taken. I think you need a stiff drink and some chocolate. Or maybe about 5 hours of silence all to yourself....

Awhile back you and I were e-mailing back and forth about a certain topic... The topic was tabled for awhile but it looks like come '07 it will be a VERY SERIOUSLY considered thing. (As in find an agency and stuff!) Eeek. I'm freaking out a bit. TO warn you, I may be asking you a few more questions... BUt only if its convenient for you...

Bonnie B said...

You sound busy-- ditto here. I barely blog anymore and it makes me so sad, but I can't ignore the kids and decide to let the roaches move into my house-- Gosh darn I've got to parent first-- bummer. I'll look forward to your posts though

Occidental Girl said...

Holy shit, man! That's a long list.

I'll tune in to Mamarazzi but will cry if you leave Eva Las Vegas for too long. CRY.

Angry Dad said...

Yep, that's Busy!

I can't believe you hired a Hummer Limousine. No Way.