Friday, June 23, 2006

Insert Title Here...

I believe that I have shown great restraint not mentioning (bitching) about the remodel for several posts... I am made of sterner stuff and my Lord, I don't even want to write about it because then I will have to admit that our home was constructed by that same lazy and dilly-dallying pig who believed straw was an acceptable building material. I won't tell you that we are down to one (!!) bathroom or that half of Eva's room is covered in plastic or that we are spending more money for shits and giggles to extend the boys' room a teeny 2 feet.

Who the hell wants to hear about the installation guy who, after he set up my (NEW) washer and dryer, gave me a hug when he left. A. Hug. From the Home Depot installation dude. Hello, hugger! When I emailed Hugh and said, "should I have tipped better? Was coping a feel fair because I was too stingy on the tip?" My husband merely emailed back, "You're huggable." Which tells me we have been living in CA wayyyy too long and are getting wayyyy too peace and love and probably we should move to NY where any Manhattanite worth her salt would be all up in an installation guy's stuff if he hugged her after Maytag plug-in.

Also I don't think I will bore you with the fact that half my tile hasn't arrived because Margie, the rather pretty but dumb-witted assistant at the tile store, transposed 2 numbers of my VISA and therefore has not been able to complete my order. Basically, I have walls but no floor for the master bath and floor but no walls for the children. Fun! No one is willing to start until everything arrives for fear of being ready to go and something still missing, so I will just live with shrinkwrapped stacks of incomplete tile dotting the driveway.

I could tell you about our house painter who, despite assurance to the contrary, I think is a little too young for such a big job... I don't know, the fact that he wears a retainer may have something to do with it.

And I certainly couldn't justify asking you to listen as I complain about the oh so beautiful fabric that was so very wonderful that my husband didn't bat an eye when we were told it was $100 a yard but instead said, "Great. We'll take it on those 2 chairs." only to receive a phone call from the showroom informing us that the fabric is too narrow to center correctly on the cushions and they have to cancel the order. This wouldn't be such an issue but we have given away the chairs that we currently sit on and as of this weekend, the 5 of us will all be elbowing each other for a place on the couch.

Man, I am sorry, but since I am not telling you any of that stuff, I have nothing to say.


34 comments:

kim said...

So you havent watched "The Money Pit" I take it??
Charming movie about a couple that start renovating and are driven completely insane ... I think (if I remember correctly) they turn on each other, so watch it lol

Johnny said...

I thought we had this deal, I show you mine, you show me yours (tears that is)

Joannah said...

Yikes! I'm hoping to add on a family room and a master suite in a few years. Stories like this don't inspire me, though...

M3 (Mary-Mia) said...

Cracking up - this is just so damn funny!!!! Of course I'm laughing with you, not at you. Home remodeling is not for the faint hearted, is it?

mamatulip said...

Your painter wears a retainer? That's hardly reassuring. Just keep telling yourself that in the end, it will look fabulous.

Margaret said...

Ug. Sounds like you're living in a bit of disarray right now.

lildb said...

oy. and, oy again.

you are in a special level of hell, my friend.

my wish for you is a cocktail or nice glass o' wine to be delivered into your hands forthwith.

melissa said...

TFF !!!

When I was a child, my mother thought she'd modernize the house we lived in, since it was built in 1906.

She was going to do a touch up here, bust down a wall there. It turned into a 5 year ordeal. I got a skylight in my room for my patience and understanding. However, right as the skylight was installed, a lien was put on the house, so no work could be done. Then rainy season started. With a lien on the house, you can't do work on it, so I spent a whole rainy season with buckets in my room. Oh the joy.

Thanks for the laugh !!!

Lisa said...

Oh Wow. That's stressful. Come to my house for a few weeks! We have a nice big guest room. And my son would be in heaven with all the kids running around. heehee.

That IS wierd that the HD guy hugged you. But you know, you probably made his day!

Bonnie B said...

We went through a remodel last year--oh, wait we're still going through it. Actually we've been remodelling for four years. I sympathize. Contractors can be idiots, and it takes forever-- especially when your husband thinks he's Bob Villa and he's on This Old House. How do we get our husbands to realize they aren't really all that handy?
Well, to be fair my guy is handy to some extent-- it just takes forever. I've been living in presod hell (dirt) for four years. I've been living with half finished sprinkler system for two years. Don't get me started on the interior trim and painting-- and yet to be sealed tile job I have to scrub every week.

carrie said...

2 feet of space in your boys room IS a big deal! I was wondering how the whole remodel was coming along! Here's hoping there are no more snarls in the plan and things go smoothly . . . hang in there :)

Carrie

p.s. thank you for linking me on the side of your blog, I really appreciate it!

Kevin Charnas said...

Oh man...Kristin, you HAVE been practicing self-restraint, I actually thought the other day, (not kidding)"Kristin hasn't mentioned anything about the remodel stuff, maybe it hasn't really gotten going yet?" holy shit. A HUG??? WHAT THE HELL? I hope he didn't have scabies. That's just fucking bizarre and inappropriate. What? are we supposed to be thankful he didn't try slipping you a tongue? yuk.

Maybe you should go back and swipe your VISA card in MARGIE'S ASS! SHE'LL REMEMBER THOSE NUMBERS THEN!

And a retainer? Has he at least had pubes for more than 2 years?

Mom101 said...

I'm still laughing about the hug.

Jessi said...

A hug? Wow. I'm afraid to remodel my house. I don't want to know what's under the first layer. Denial is good.

Pendullum said...

Couldn't stop laughing... you huggable New Yorker you...
Pretty soon you will say that you are actually wearing a colour besides the institutional New York black...
Has the painters voice changed? Do his parents drive him to your house to have the job completed...
Will it interfere with his schoolwork?
Ahh renos...Looking forward to hearing all of the details of it

Lisa and Tate said...

PICTURES????? WHERE IS THE PICTURES of the not mentioned things???? SO sorry you are living in the remodel HELL!!!! Soon it will be done and you will be living once again in blissful SUNNY CALIFORNIA!!! "Like they say in LA... have a nice day"... you should have copped a feel on the Maytag dude!!!! Back at ya Maytag dude...

Lisa

ciodude said...

We over extended our budget on the garage plus addition. By making it a tad nicer we figured we'd pass on finishing the massive 33'x16' room over top of it. Then the twins came and we had to split that room up and make a nusery out of the one half. That forced us to pass on the laundry/mud room countertops and cabinetry. Who knows maybe next year the budget will refresh itself.

Big projects like that are always iffy.

Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

remodeling is hell. I hope it all resolves soon. one day at a time. one day at a time. more like one crisis at a time. one crisis at a time.

Lisa

Time Traveller said...

I think I will try the future next time....

Beth said...

I totally feel for you! Luckily hubby can do most of our renos (well, all) but that doesn't mean it hasn't always taken longer than expected. That really sucks.
Hopefully it will all be over soon, and you can show us pictures of your pretty house!

Ninotchka said...

A hug? REALLY? Ewwww. (This post cracked me up)

Kim M. said...

Hey at least you got hit on. Was the hugging guy at least kinda of cute in a Tim Taylor the Tool time guy kinda way?

Jodi said...

Any kind of home remodeling, anything like that, is always a DRAMA! We recently painted, which is minor minor compared to what you have going one, and it was such a pain in the BUTT. I loved how it turned out, but ohmygawd did it make a mess. And I put some stuff away that I STILL can't find...I hope that doesn't happen to you. :)

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Funny but sorry for the annoyance!

Nikki said...

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGG.

I am so glad that is not me.

I would be screaming at all of those people.

I wish you relief . . . and a whole house soon.

XOXO

J.D. said...

That reminds me of the time that I decided not to tell you about how I sliced my finger open on a frozen light bulb when it shattered and cut me all the way to the bone and there was blood gushing out and weird fleshy gore all over my finger and I had to drive myself to the ER and the doctor there went ahead and put in stitches prior to the anesthesia taking effect and so for the rest of the month I had to look at my nasty finger with frankenstein-esque stitches all the while having acid-like flashbacks of the bulb glass slicing through my flesh and embedding itself deeply into my bloody digit...

whew. glad I didn't tell you about that.

Heather said...

Good thing you're not complaining becuase it means I too am not complaining about only ever having one bathroom in our eensy beensy house and too itty bitty bedrooms, all crammed into under 1000 square feet.

But, I will tell you boozey bears make it all better. The more the merrier.

-Jenny said...

The fabric thing BLOWS.
The house shit BLOWS.

Everything always costs too much and doesn't get done when they say.

and What is up with the hug? a HUG? GRoss!

Lisa said...

That situation sounds like a total ass suck fest. We remodeled once. Once.

Did you hug back?

eastcoastermomma said...

You should put some photos of the work up! Sorry he hugged you. That is gross!

Jenn said...

Well, I'm not a manhattenite, but being from NJ, that Home Depot guy wouldn't have been able to get more than a foot or two away from me before I stepped back looked at him wierd and said: Ummmm WHAT are you doing?!?!?

Perrin said...

I have to admit, no one and I mean not one person wanted to get within ten feet of me during the home remodel. Maybe that was because I was all about changing the specs every two seconds and barking orders. Never mind a hug. Yeah, he was seriously just trying to cop a feel. I think your husband's response was hilarious.

mollymcmommy said...

arg, i love renovations.....when they are done, not the in between.

m

Lisa S said...

OMG I've missed reading your blog! You are so funny girl!