Why was my husband drinking at 3 o'clock in the afternoon? Why did I use the "emergency only" number to my pool man? Why were the children taking scalding hot showers?
Because Jake stepped in dog shit with his swin fins and then jumped into the jacuzzi and then there was poop in the celebrity hot tub.
People, you have no idea how fucking gross this was. And guess what the pool man said? Eh, you got enough chlorine in there, just scoop it up and you'll be fine.
Oh. My. Lord. I don't think so.
There was much hysteria (Hugh) much scrubbing of children and bathing suits (me) followed by draining of celebrity hot tub, dumping of chlorine, scouring with sponge and "shocking" of pool system. Also, I have made that dumb ass stoner pool man swear that he will be at our house first thing tomorrow to "check levels".
If you people only knew how friggin' uptight we are about poop in general, you would understand that there is a very real possibility that the jacuzzi will never get used again.
I know that tomorrow I will have the pool man drain the entire pool just in case, in the 34 seconds that this poop was in the water, there was any cross contamination from the spa to the pool proper. I also foresee myself walking the pool with a spray bottle of clorox and closing off the entire backyard with yellow CAUTION tape until my sensibilities are once again balanced.
I also see myself pouring another vodka tonic in about 5 minutes.
A ritual sacrifice was made of the dogs. All 3 of them. They are now attractive yet functional rugs.
Please. I just don't think I will ever recover.