Sunday, June 25, 2006

Hey! What's that?

Why was my husband drinking at 3 o'clock in the afternoon? Why did I use the "emergency only" number to my pool man? Why were the children taking scalding hot showers?

Because Jake stepped in dog shit with his swin fins and then jumped into the jacuzzi and then there was poop in the celebrity hot tub.

People, you have no idea how fucking gross this was. And guess what the pool man said? Eh, you got enough chlorine in there, just scoop it up and you'll be fine.

Oh. My. Lord. I don't think so.

There was much hysteria (Hugh) much scrubbing of children and bathing suits (me) followed by draining of celebrity hot tub, dumping of chlorine, scouring with sponge and "shocking" of pool system. Also, I have made that dumb ass stoner pool man swear that he will be at our house first thing tomorrow to "check levels".

If you people only knew how friggin' uptight we are about poop in general, you would understand that there is a very real possibility that the jacuzzi will never get used again.

I know that tomorrow I will have the pool man drain the entire pool just in case, in the 34 seconds that this poop was in the water, there was any cross contamination from the spa to the pool proper. I also foresee myself walking the pool with a spray bottle of clorox and closing off the entire backyard with yellow CAUTION tape until my sensibilities are once again balanced.

I also see myself pouring another vodka tonic in about 5 minutes.

A ritual sacrifice was made of the dogs. All 3 of them. They are now attractive yet functional rugs.

Please. I just don't think I will ever recover.

53 comments:

Michelle said...

Oh my god, that was so funny! I would have been like 'get me one of those net things and I can reach it from here'

sunshine scribe said...

Now that is damn funny. As a fellow celebrity hot tub owner who has an aversion to poo - I expect I'd react the same way. Make mine a double

Jenny said...

I don't mean to laugh but that was funny. I'd have been doing an emergency scrub job too.

Still, birds probably poop in the pool all the time, right? Oops...I'm making it worse, aren't I?

Motherhood Uncensored said...

I have a similar story up today. No celebrity hot tub - but sometimes, I put my ass in it, and I guess that makes it pretty damn famous :)

Heather said...

Hah! No hot tub, pool, or kids with fins here but lotsa dog crap, so I guess we have 1/4 of the potential for disaster. Hope all is sanitized... maybe bathe the kids in purell?

krista said...

you should have invited the pool man in for a swim, eeeeeww. He seems to not mind the poop.

Johnny said...

Several "Caddyshack" flashbacks come to mind. You need to have a picture of the pool guy at the botton of the drained pool with a Hazmat suit on picking up a Baby Ruth.

mamatulip said...

LOL. Ew. I would have had a similar reaction.

Angry Dad said...

Wow, Freak Out. You could never walk through our front yard, given the disgusting landmines that populate it. Lucky you didn't give your dogs a chance to make it to being old dogs... that's a whole new world of dog poop!

J.D. said...

lol, I was thinking of the hazmat guy in Caddyshack too.

Dang, people stealin' my thunder :)

Stephanie A. said...

That's totally gross and I think I'd freak out about it, too. However, mixed with my procrastination I don't think I would have had the pool guy there so quickly. After all, there's always tomorrow. But seriously, I admire how on top of it you were!

lildb said...

ahHAHAHAHhahahaha. I, too, live in fear of just such an incident *shiver*.

oh, you poooor, poor girl.

p.s. pour one of those drinky-poos for me and I'll be over in a jiff to commiserate with you in your poopy hell.

M3 (Mary-Mia) said...

Well that's it then, you're going to have to just fill the damn thing in. A nice flower garden where the pool used to be, perhaps?

>;-)

Kristi said...

After potty training 3 kids I think I'm poop desensitized. I'll leave out stories of scraping poop off the bathroom floor while simultaneously hosing down a shame faced 2 year old...let's just say I've had my share of poop.

But dog poop - that's another story. Maybe I would have been drinking in the middle of the day, too.

Jessi said...

Not a fan of the poop either. I'm way more disturbed by swimming snot and boogies however. I'm almost gagging right now thinking of those little nasties floating around.

Nikki said...

LOL - that was pretty icky.

If you decide not to use that hot tub - could you keep it and send me the new one?LOL

Mel said...

Gawdamighty! LMAO... I don't like poo, but dude.
I'd def drain the hot tub, but the pool would be on its own.
;)

Lisa said...

Ohhhh Nooooooo. I'm guessing that all romantic encounters in the celebrity hot tub will have to stop occuring for at least 6 weeks.

You must stop with the tonic and go straight for the vodka. It's the only thing that can cleanse the mind! You must!

Becky said...

that. is.gross. and the fact that he said you got enough chlorine and to scoop it out! what? uh no thanks. drain that bitch!

Lotta said...

What do you do when your kids poop in the tub?

carrie said...

Oh jeez, maybe it is time to consider a new pool/hot tub in the remodeling budget? So. Sorry.

I love Clorox!

Melissa said...

Oh shit, I love it. Dam dogs, pooping and stuff. Don't drain the pool. I hate to say it, but chlorine will kill just about anything. I bet from here on out, your son will always check his feet. He will be a little old man, neurotically checking his feet before he steps into a pool.

Anonymous said...

What does your husband do for a living?
You make mention of so many things that are related to spending and have revealed so many other things -- just wondering if you ar a trust fund baby or couple, won the lottery or if husband is a CEO for a major company ?

Just curious...

jennster said...

LMFAO- i so love you! but not enough to see you when i'm in la, so don't get too excited. ;)

Painter Beach Girl said...

Oh Lordy. That was good. Kind of like when my kids stepped in poop and freaked out so badly they were wiping it on the seats of the car and I thought I never would smell car smell again, just poop smell. At least you can bleach your pool and use chemicals to clean it

-Jenny said...

Classic and gross and nuerotic all in the same post. I would be drinking too!

hautemama said...

OMG that was halarious! I think you should hire a new poo guy tho -I mean ewwwwwww.

Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

I'm with you. I can barely handle the IDEA of pee in a pool, but the actuality of poo --Call in the hazmat team.

Lisa

Mrs. Chicky said...

I only noticed one mention of Caddyshack in the comments before mine. Strange. That's all I could think of while reading this post!

And why are the strangest comments from this guy named "Anonymous". He's everywhere! Is there an Anonymous Army? Screw them and their questions.

Ann said...

too, too funny. But what's a little dog poop between family...ewww gross. I'd have done the same

Mrs. T said...

Dog shit is THE grossest thing in the world- if my kids step in it, the shoes go bye-bye. I gag just thinking about it. And Painter Beach Girl, I had a similar experience when my daughter blew chunks all over the back of our van. I could smell "Phantom Puke" for months afterward.
Vodka tonic's sounding pretty good right now....a nice, clean drink. Notice, you did NOT choose to sip a Mudslide.:)

Lisa said...

I am that way too about poop. I feel for ya!

Shelley said...

Pretty darned funny.

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Very funny!

Mega Mom said...

I'm dying to know if Queen Victorious somehow had a hand in this :)

Mom101 said...

Hilarious! I'd be the type who's like - eh, it's hot in there. All the germs are gone right?

ciodude said...

OK another reason for us *not* to get a pool.

(lol) I do agree with Kristi though.. (also 3 kids potty trained - only 2 more to go) you get kinda poop desensitized. And we used to have 2 dogs...

Pendullum said...

I remember going over to my dad's best friend's house..
He had a terrific sized pool. Our family brought our swimsuits and we were so excited about spending the day swimming...
My Dad's friend had to tell me a wee story before we got into the pool..
He told me how his daughter had the entire girl guide troupe over for a swim and he put a wee chemical into the pool that would turn red if you peeed in the pool(this was 20 years ago)this way he could keep his 'levels' in check...

Well, He told me that the pool looked like a Bloody Mary when the gals were through...

YUCK!!!!
And then he said 'Just a story to think about...'

Kristen said...

I don't know what I would have done- probably something very similar to what you've done. LOL.

eastcoastermomma said...

I am commenting on your new post and I am sorry that anonymous has you so upset. Don't let it change your blogging style or content. This in one person who sounds jealous and you have to remember that when you blog you put yourself out in the world for good or bad. I think this person really likes your blog and thinks you have a perfect life. It was good of you to vent and remind them that no one has a perfect life. Hopfully they will leave you alone now.

Bonnie B said...

This is why I will never have a dog. The kids are lucky they get to live here, and the cat's days are numbered:)

jennster said...

hey anon. you're a fucktard, in a bad way. what do you care?
kristin- love you and so do all these other people who comment here daily and read your blog. anon is a jealous whore. lol

Jenn said...

First - I'm with Mom 101. You may think I'm nasty, but - yea....the chorine will kill it. Scoop it out, shock the pool and your good!

Second. Don't let that asshat bother you. Just delete her comment and go on. Like you have to be a fuckin trust fund baby to have a pool! LOL

Lisa said...

Is saw your most recent post closed for comments. SO sorry someone was such an ass to you. Exactly what you said. What is it to them? And who cares? I just don't get why some people can be such jerks...

Painter Beach Girl said...

I think the anonymous person deserves a big old DELETE with that little trashcan icon and absolutely no mention whatsoever about his/her obnoxious comment. I mean really. What is the point of that...cant even MAN UP and show a face or blog name or anything.

mollymcmommy said...

i'd drain that bitch too, no way would i be doing pooping and scooping! bah!

and about anon, just a jealous troll whore, doesn't even deserve a post.

you rock girl, and if you're in canada ever i'd love to meet a rocking chick like you :)

fuck you anon, i'm thinking some ass kicking is in order, and perhaps an IQ check, don't you know nancy drew aka kristen can track you down?!!! LOL!

m

Holly said...

Dog poop and anonymous have a lot in common. Stinky shit.
There is always gonna be those mean spirited ones, Kristin.

Be like a duck and let it roll....
your blog, your delete button.
Love you bunches, Girl!

InterstellarLass said...

Yucky poo! My daughter once covered herself in her own poo. I came so close to puking all over her. I had to put my shirt over my nose and wiped her down with wipies before I even picked her up to bathe her. Then there was the lysol all over the crip, the repeated hot water washing of the sheets...I can't imagine what would have happened if it were dog poo! YUCK!

JayJenny said...

This goes along with your last post, but because the comments were enabled I stuck it here - hope that's okay. I just wanted to offer a word of encouragement to continue keeping your blog yours. I began reading your blog because a friend of mine joined Blogging Chicks and I loved your layout. Over the last few weeks I've enjoyed catching up on your life and really enjoy your writing style. It's unfortunate that there are nit wits out there just begging to create some drama. I had my fair share of that when my blog was featured for a month. I had a lot of criticism for buying a designer purse, about how I should save my money to buy groceries, etc. I was appauled that so many people cared what I was doing with my life and I was pissed. I finally decided I didn't care what anyone thought, and I'm glad you've made that same decision for yourself. I just wanted to stop by to say way to go (although you shouldn't really care what I think if you're following that train of thought)and your children are adorable, precious. Either way, I think your blog is great and whatever way you support your family, it's none of our business anyways. So to Anonymous, get a life!
Loved the poop story, but I hope you weren't traumatized too badly!

Jodie said...

That was hysterical! I agree, there's nothing more gross than poop in the pool/spa! AND...dog poop is way worse than people poop...I think?! Bleck.

(still laughing though :-0)

Tori said...

I love you...
The pool was perfect the other day - no sign of excrement....
I wrote a poo blog just for you K and now I see why you couldn't read more than a few lines....
"Oh Mr Darcy.... I feel I might faint" says Kristin - all full of her poop and pool incident sensibilities....
Colin Firth (of course) as Darcy says...
"Why do be careful where you faint Mz Kristin, I do belieive that there's some dog shit beneath you...."

Kevin Charnas said...

I can't believe that you got shit in there and he was just going to SCOOP it out!!! That's just fucking disgusting.
Although, I would've LOVED to have seen your panic-striken household.

virocana said...

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