Friday, April 28, 2006

TomKat Who? Also, This Probably Should Be More Than One Post Because They Don't Shoot Rotisserie Chickens Do They?

In the interest of keeping current, Hugh and I will now be known exclusively as "Hughstin".

Please make a note.

I look forward to the day when the children have dilemma and approach us with: Hughstin, we have a problem.


The "Hugh" half of us is pretty damn hot... also, he asked me if I wanted to check myself into a hotel (I know, I know, I was expecting him to say nuthouse too) for the weekend... catch up on sleep, order room service, have some spa treatments. Hmmm... we love him.



Moving On

Please look at these chickens -








Notice how they placed on the rotisserie? LENGTHWISE.


Now, please look at these chickens -







Ummmm... yuck. These chickens are skewered across... held up by their little chicken armpits.

I serve my family a rotisserie chicken at least once a week add some baby carrots, ranch dressing and a little melon and you have yourself a damn fine kid friendly dinner and I have never EVER had an armpit rotisserie chicken... until this week.

There I am, happily serving up a drumstick when what do I see? A fucking WOUND that looks a lot like this.

It went through the entire chicken. Leg to Leg.

And I FREAKED. OMG, omg, omg, this is a bullet hole! This chicken has been shot! Those fuckers at Wild Oats are shooting their rotisserie chickens! The shooting of chickens is not right and it is really, really, gross! Oh, do not let the children see the fucking bullet hole! What to do-what to d0-what to do with the damn gunshot chicken!

The entire chicken is dumped into the trash and the children have Cheerios for dinner.

*** much later ***

Oh, probably not a bullet hole. Probably the skewer.

Hugh cannot stop asking if "gunshot chicken" is on the menu...

34 comments:

eastcoastermomma said...

Firstly, I want to tell you how much I love your blog and your writing and there are several blogs that I visit daily and I feel very invested in the goings on that are shared.

Secondly, thanks to this gunshot chicken story, I just spit my diet coke on my computer screen. Funny, funny, story!

f. said...

i missed commenting on your last post, but you know i live for your blog tales.

gunshot chicken? only you k., only you.

Hed said...

Oh man. I don't think I could eat that, either!

-H

northern stargirl said...

Hughstin we have a problem! Priceless!

Mrs. Chicky said...

Ha! Gunshot chicken! Sounds, um, tasty.

Kristin said...

Ok, the gunshot chicken and Hugh? He just asked me AGAIN if that was what we were having for dinner... honestly, we are really, really, lame.

Michelle said...

Ha ha ha! We have "gunshot chicken" at my house at least once a week too! Good to know it is a kid friendly meal. I missed out on commenting on the last post too, but I love your blog also. I have to admit I started reading because of the pictures of your beautiful children, but have kept returning because you are so damn funny. I mean, laugh-out-loud so my husband asks what's so funny funny!
(I just reread that and it doesn't make much sense. Oh well, too lazy to rewrite it). Anyway, thanks for making me laugh every day!

GSJ said...

That's a misquote.

Actual quote: "Okay, Houston, we've had a problem here", uttered by Swigert to ground. Lovell then uttered this similar phrase: "Houston, we've had a problem."

eastcoastermomma said...

I'm back because I forgot to say that your husband is handsome!

Get your quotes right, would ya'?

jennster said...

LMFAO @ the bullethole and they're shooting their chickens... omg, i'm going to piss myself!

Jodi said...

So, you're going to the hotel, RIGHT??? You gotta go and do all those things.

Oh yeah, the gunshot chicken thing was FUNNY. Sounds like something I would think...:)

Mega Mom said...

Ha. That Hugh sounds like a real California guy :)

Ummm...you sound like a California girl too. Hahahahaha.

rubyiscoming said...

Thanks for offering a quilt square. So, let's see...you are funny (proof from your adoring fans' comments!), intelligent, a great mother, and you are crafty? NO FAIR NO FAIR NO FAIR! How'd you get all the good genes? :)

Joannah said...

Hilarious!

No, I don't think they shoot chickens. My great-grandfather used to raise chickens during WWII. He said he'd just catch one and break it's neck! Yuck! Can you imagine having to start dinner that way?

Anyway, I'll never eat another rotisserie chicken without thinking about your story here!

Joannah said...

p.s. does your husband have a single brother? ;-)

M3 (Mary-Mia) said...

Oh god. Shrieking with laughter here. The husband and the two cats think I've lost it (well, maybe...)

Anonymous said...

Hughstin, watch out for chicken hunters and yeah, your husband is hot!!

Suburban Turmoil said...

Oh my, your imagination is really wacked! Good wacked! I've never thought as much about rotisserie chickens as I did after reading your post..

penguininthesun said...

"Hughstin" is so clever! I think it is very sweet how you wanted to spare the children's eyes from the "gunshot chicken" :)

cheerios are great anyway...

Tuesday Girl said...

ok, take the hotel offer for the weekend, I will be right over!

Domestic Chicky said...

How about "Hughstin, we have liftoff..." hee

Holly said...

You need to lay off the sauce before serving dinner to your family, Kristin.
The next chicken may do a song/dance routine - it could happen!

As always, you crack me up - THANKS!

Kel said...

Gunshot chicken kind of reminds me of the south park episode where you couldn't shoot anything that unless saying "It's Heading Right For Us".

Add that to the mental picture of a chicken "It's Heading Right For Us!" and I'm laughing too hard.

Of corse I've not gotten much sleep, so I might be a bit loopy.....

Shelley said...

That's too funny!

Probably right, it was probably a skewer. Skewers leave marks like that too. Now if you find gun powder, then I'd really be concerned. :)

Did you call Wild Oats to let them know and to ask them who their supplier is?

Shell

Stephanie A. said...

Um, yuck. Thanks for the heads up about the the armpit chickens. That's double yuck, now that I think about it.

But so nice that you Hugh gave you hotel time. How was it?

Tori said...

Krist
Are you going insane?
I feel you are reading too much into chicken wounds....
You crazy woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your father would say that maybe you're not stimulating your brain enough....
I suggest Shock Therapy... followed by a lovely dinner at Koo Koo Roo where I've heard they serve a mean Gun Shot Chicken...
hee hee

Nicki said...

Call me crazy, but weren't you home this weekend? After an offer like that? Has the gunshot chicken incident scarred you for life and impeded your ability to make rational decisions? Yes you have a hot husband and great kids, but a weekend away with a big yummy bed with no babies/kids kicking you, or waking you up, or needing something, or cooking... need I go on....Please explain the logic because my fabulous hair day was ruined by a house full of inlaws and a I-am-so-sick husband that I think now I can add "fulltime housekeeper/caregiver" to my resume. Next time the offer comes up, TAKE IT!

Jenn said...

Ewww I think I might have thrown the chick out too.....

Gen said...

Gunshot chicken!! Hilarious, I would have thrown it out too. However being skewered through the armpits seems a little nicer than being skewered through the "hoo hoo" ;)

Hughstin - too funny!

Lisa & Jeff said...

I just found your site and read a few of your latest posts.....You are hilarious!

Kevin Charnas said...

OOhhhh, that's some funny shit right there! Thanks. Yeah, I would've been freaking. I've finally come around to at least clean and cook my own chicken without feeling badly for the poor creature. I actually try to convey gratitude to it - I know, I'm weird. But, if I thought someone shot it? I probably would've called the police.

Angry Dad said...

MMMMmmmm. Gunshot Chicken.

What more is there to say?!

Michelle said...

SO funny! I don't think I could have eaten it either. I won't eat an egg with two yolks in it, so I definitely don't think I could eat a chicken if it may or may not have been shot. That makes it seem so much more.... alive.

When I was pregnant, I couldn't even handle raw meat. I think that has carried over into my post-pregnant self :)

J.D. said...

excuse me *shoots soda out of nose all over the keyboard* LOL....