Thursday, April 27, 2006

Long and Probably Dull

When I started this blog my intention was to use it as a vehicle to keep family and friends updated as to the happenings in our household. I thought I would post lots of photos of the kids with captions such as, "Jake got an 'A' on his pueblo model" and "Eva sure is growing quickly"... a blog that read more like an ongoing Christmas letter... annoying to everyone except my own mother.

However, I instead found that I liked the writing end of blogging (despite my atrocious punctuation) and I enjoyed sharing my life with other people... people that I now consider friends and at one time I may just have looked at you sideways if you suggested that I would befriend people inside the computer box... I am thrilled when I get a comment on something I have posted... I love when new people come and then return and I admit to looking for my regular readers (my mom, my brother and my very nice sister in law... thanks guys!).

I enjoy the hell out of reading other blogs and am amazed at the amount of sheer talent floating around on the web... for every Dooce or Amalah (btw: I read them both, daily), I can name you 5 or more equally thoughtful, funny and sympathetic writers... I read blogs over my morning coffee and I check the same ones daily... hoping for a new post.

This post was born by an anonymous email that I received today that just said: "I love your blog. I think you are a really funny writer." It couldn't have come at a better time.

I have to backtrack and just tell you that I am not having a good afternoon. My morning was adorable what with Eva's first dance class (Hi! Family newsletter!) and lunch with my girlfriend Nicki and her daughter, Audrey. However, the past 2 hours have been basically a big fat fight with my husband and I am tired and I have a headache and I feel utterly defeated.

As a mother I admit to ALWAYS putting myself last. Unfortunately, this becomes a pattern the rest of the family can also fall into... and I find, lately, that I am just not really heard. I have a nanny, but that nanny time is so that I can do things with and for the boys... or, so the house can be clean and I can do things with and for Eva... it is so easy to really lose sight of yourself and begin to not see yourself as anything more than the means to the ends for the people in your family. I spend my days thinking about everyone else... I buy the cereal one child wants, the fruit another likes, the salad dressing my husband prefers and the food for the dogs.

I coordinate doctor appointments and playdates and sports. I work to keep a balance between fun and schoolwork and I monitor the homework, quiz people on spelling words and sing baby songs in Chinese and Spanish. I run the retreat program at my sons' school because they love having me on campus and I know they won't feel that way forever. I sit on the board of our Parent Guild and I chair a committee every year for the annual fundraiser.

My whole life is about meeting the needs of others. Mostly to my enjoyment and my fulfillment, but sometimes, because that is what I feel I am supposed to do as a stay at home wife and mother... and sometimes, I can martyr myself and end up feeling a little lost... Lordy, how whiny do I sound? I love my family and I love the choices I have made, but you know what, I am having a bad day... me and Kellie Pickler.

And so that email, and every comment I receive, and every hit on my site counter means something to me... because it means someone is listening and I am not having to yell.

***

Tomorrow, I will be back to my usual self and will share the story of the "Gunshot Chicken".



33 comments:

Tuesday Girl said...

It is hard to be a wife and mother these days, heck it is hard any day but it sounds like youa re doing a good job, and I am always reading.

savymanda said...

I could not agree more!! I read every single one of your posts, and love them all.

Gunshot chicken you say....? Hmm...

Baby songs in Chinese....You know I need to know more about this...

Tori said...

I feel you pain Kristin - I really do. My feet barely touch the ground and sometimes - all times actually - I feel guilty for taking time to blog and be and share myself with the blog world...
It's really the hardest thing I've ever done... being a mommy, a worker, a healer, a chauffeur, a volunteer....and all the others too...

Joannah said...

I take the same enjoyment out of the whole blogging thing. I race home after school to see what up on your blog and at least 25 others. I enjoy the glimpse into others' journeys, and feel like I benefit from others' insights.

I'm sorry you had a bad day. Your job as a wife and mother is hugely significant. (((hugs)))

-Jenny said...

It is soo hard to run a household. I don't have the baby yet and keeping the house running, doing chores, the dog and life keeps me crazy busy. Sometimes I definately take a step back and take some time for myself though.

I hear ya on the friends in the computer thing. It is nice to have a community.

keep writing-J

rubyiscoming said...

Ok, here are my 2 cents (well, based on size of my comments, more like 52 cents)....

Very heartfelt and honest post. My non-bloggy friends are still a bit leery of this whole world. They wonder, what the hell is that Kim up to with a bunch o' techie 'puter folks??? That is not OUR Kim. But, alas, I find such solace, guffaws, smiles and sympathy from my bloggy family. :)

And, your reader is correct - you are a funny writer and you make me grin.

Now, you know that I will be a working mom (or so I say now...who knows what will happen once Ruby arrives) but.... I. So. Admire. What. You. Are. Doing. You are an amazing, in touch, caring and freakin' awesome mother. I know this from how you write, how you keep your sense of humour, and how the love for your life always flows through your posts.

I also believe that we as females are genetically programmed or given some strange pill by our pediatricians early in life which propels us to always think of others first. It is admirable that we are always being thoughtful, caring and above-and-beyond for everyone - kids, hubbies, PTA, bosses, neighbors, family, whatevah - but when do YOU get a little piece just for you??

I suggest a Calgon-take-me-away day - wanna join me at the spa on Saturday? :) I'm grateful to have this Saturday all to myself...no weddings to assist, no boss, no hubby, no dogs, no volunteer work, no guilt...I'm taking Saturday just for me. Hope you can have a Saturday for you real soon.

And, keep writing, ya cheeky monkey!
(P.S. HONEST - I really do wanna hear about Gunshot Chicken, mmmmkay?)

Mrs. Chicky said...

You've got a lot on your plate, lady, but you're keeping all those balls up in the air. You deserve all the nice compliments that you get. And more!

Baby songs in Chinese and Spanish?! Damn! You're putting the rest of us to shame.

jennster said...

i am so right there with you! i think that all of us blog do so for a reason. we WANT to be read. enjoyed. liked. commented on. i know how much the comments i receive mean to me, which is why i always try to comment back on the blogs i read. i love your honesty and you have something purely beautiful about you. i think you're awesome and i love your blog and your writing and the things you share with us! :)

Wendy said...

I understand losing yourself, I think that every good mother/wife does at times.

Isn't it great to have an outlet that is all yours? Keep it up! I will look forward to reading all about Gunshot Chicken!?

Domestic Chicky said...

Great post! Ditto to ALL of the above. I just found your blog today, and now I can't wait to have a good bit of time to sit down and read!

Mega Mom said...

I missed you.

Stephanie A. said...

Your words rang so true for me at this very instant. I was feeling forgotten within my family, so I just came online because, well, who else cares, right? Know you are understood, dear.

Without my blogging community (of which you're a huge chunk!!!), I'm not sure I'd be the semi-sane mom that I am.

Eat up those comments because you ARE funny and I come back daily, too!

Holly said...

Hear you loud and clear, Kristin.
It's the "givers" in this world that keep things going.
There have been times that just a smile & some kindness from the clerk at the grocery store can reduce me to tears, because of the need to be acknowledged.

BTW - I think your a funny writer and I love your blog too!

Recovering Wino said...

I love your writing. In fact, I'm such a dweeb that it took me forever to find your blog. I wish you lived in this area because you seem like you'd be a blast to hang out with.

But I have written posts like you have...where everything else overwhelms you life. I imagine it will only get worse for me, as your sons are at an age where schedules will make life even more hectic.

And husbands can really make life aggravating sometimes, can't they? Ah, where's Channing what's his name to wisk us away when we need him?

Hang in there, and know there are a lot of us thinking about you.

Johnny said...

Hey, we've had those days too...which is my way of saying hang in there. I agree that no one really stops to think, "How did my paticular favorite box of cereal show up in my bowl today?"

And, it may not dawn on those kids until they're the ones searching for that damn box of cereal in the grocery store aisle 20+ years later.

Oh, it was a Mom or Dad that had to take care of this.

Gracencameronsmomy said...

I am printing this and giving to my husband to tell him that this is EXACTLY how I feel sometimes...Probably won't help, but mauybe I'll get flowers out of it! Try and take time for yourself, it benefits the whole family...
Lisa

Jodi said...

AMEN, AMEN, to all of them. (I am pointing to the posts above). You are a AWESOME writer and so very funny. I check your blog every day for something new, cuz I love your outlook on life and whatnot.

Being a Mom has got to be the HARDEST job I have ever done. It's so hard to find a balance between being a good Mommy and leaving something leftover for yourself.

I agree with Lisa's comment, go spend some time for just YOU. I guarnettedamntee that you'll feel a whole hell of a lot better after that.

Personally, I always feel like a better Mom after I have had a day to myself. And I also feel like blogging is such a good outlet for all things Mommy and life related. It's soooo nice knowing somebody, anybody will actually listen to you until the END of your wise, witty, and most eloquent thought.

Anyhoo, we all love you, well I do, and love your blog, and please keep on blogging sista friend!

maryjane said...

A friend of mine said "go to this blog" and I am glad she sent me here. I have enjoyed reading your thoughts. Isn't it strange how easy it is to bond with complete strangers?

I am a mother and like most people who responded.... I agree that there is no other job on the earth that is more challenging but as rewarding. I definitely feel like all I do is clean, organize, plan, and fold socks....but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I don't think our children (children in general) really know and understand what a mom does until they become parents themselves. It's one of those things that just keep getting better with time!

Thank you for your thoughts and insights! I will be back!

Jenn said...

I am currently a working mother. I will eventually be staying at home though. Maybe after #2, and my husband gets a raise! LOL But this worries me. Once I'm a SAHM and Wife, the expectations of me are going to be WAY higer than they are here at work! BY FAR!!
It worries me that I will loose myself.

I guess the key is to schedual (yes everything revolves around the damn sechedule) time for yourself. And ACTUALLY DO IT!

Stephanie said...

I started my blog for the same reasons that you did, but now I feel that there is a community of other mothers and women (and even a few guys) that I find myself thinking about even when I am not on the computer.
Thank you for always posting with honesty and LOTS of humour!

carrie said...

I know this comes after a lot of thoughtful and encouraging words from others, but . . . I think your blog is great! I started reading because my best friend (Linda from Family of Four and a Cat) was adopting from China. Being the crazy Adoptive Aunt that I am, I followed interesting blogs that she'd tell me about and I am proud to say that I found yours all by myself!

Since about November, I've followed along on your hilarious accounts of parenting, remoldeling, fundraising and of course the late night fast-food encounters!! I was laughing about that for days, weeks, okay I am STILL laughing about that one.

So, I want to thank you for providing me (a STAHM of three
crazy kids myself) with a glimpse into your world which seems a lot like mine at times. We, as moms, do have a lot on our plates and sometimes just knowing that somebody out there is going through the same thing can help immensely!

And besides that, I know that when I'm having a bad day I can go check out what is happening in Eva land and it always makes me smile! :)

Lisa said...

I absolutely agree with the comment, you are a wonderful writer. And, I don't suck just anybody's ass. ;-)) I love your blog ALL the time!

Does this gunshot chicken have something to do with your excellent chicken salad?

Perrin said...

Hey, hang in there and make a committment to do something for yourself. A pedicure is always high on my list. I'm with you running the house and kids and whatever else needs to be managed on an hourly basis is plain old exhausting at times. Keep writing though, I love the way you make me laugh!

Journey to Sawyer said...

Kristin, happy to hear from you. Thanks for checking out Sawyer's blog. I will try to keep it up to date with more pictures as we are going on this wonderful journey without trying to sound too much like the family's Christmas Card.

By the way, when Holly says I embellish a little, I only stretch the truth.

Scott

Karen said...

I am a new reader here and just want to say thank you for saying what so many of us are thinking, stay at home moms, working moms, waiting moms, ...... The nature of being a mom is that you want to do so much for so many people. I hope your day is going better today. I totally know what you mean about the blog things as well.
Karen

Kristin said...

I just want to thank everyone for such nice and wonderful words... I have tried to get round and thank you on your blogs, but in case I missed you, I want you all to know how much I appreciated these comments.

If it were February, I would be saying, "Up your neck and down your spine, won't you be my Valentine?"

Her Grace said...

This is the one thing that can bring me down (emotionally) the fastest. Days that I feel like it's all falling on my shoulders and that I alone am holding up this household I just want to through up my hands and go to bed.

Tonight at dinner my husband was talking away at me, the baby was crying for something and my 3 year old was on the floor screaming because she wouldn't put her pants on for dinner (long story.) And I'm just thinking WHY WHY WHY do you all need MY attention this very second? Can I not just take 2 seconds to eat my PIZZA????

But then the baby calmed down and said, "Hi. Hi. Mama." and my husband helped my toddler with her pants and he did the dishes and I remembered that even when the drive me bonkers, I am madly in love with the three of them.

Hang in there!

Ana NYC said...

I read all of your posts. I'll be sure to leave a comment more often to let you I'm in your space.

The best part of reading your posts is that I know you so well. We've been friends for over 20 years! Yikes!

Your post from Monday about all the freaks had me belly laughing out loud! That was so typical for you. I could picture all of your facial expressions - your eyes say it all! Tell me one time we've been together that a "freak" hasn't entered into the picture???

(For all of you that haven't seen Kristin in person, her eyes are the size of lemons in a beautiful shade of green. They just say it all!)

Please - keep writing - I love it!

Jenny said...

Okay- count me as a new reader. I found you through Johnny's comment section. I love this post. It is so true and an easy place to fall into. Being a multitasking Goddess doesn't necessarily mean that I include my needs in the "to do" list. What a great reminder to do so. BTW- loved the chicken post. you made me laugh. Poor chicken.
Jenny V

northern stargirl said...

There is nothing I can say that hasn't been said. The chicken story leads me to believe you are having a better day!

Ninotchka said...

I SO get what you're saying.

You are fabulously funny. I just caught up with your latest entries and OMG, teaching a 9 year old how to make a perfect Cuba Libre? WOW. I bow to you!

lol

And the chicken story was hysterical. I could go on and on...

J.D. said...

Kristin,

I love reading your stuff, and I love that you read me all the time. You're right; there are plenty of untapped talents out there in blog land. And while the subject matter of your blog is nowhere near what I would google for on any given day, now that I've found you, I just can't put you down, and if you ever quit blogging, I'm going to send two large Italian guys named Vito and Vinny to make you write more. :)

that girl said...

Hey! How come I've never come across your blog before???

Looking forward to reading more!