Big Love with the Housewives

Hugh and I have never been huge TV people. We have had our Bachelor moments and (our now fading love thanks to the moany pants character that is Marissa Cooper) The OC and we particulalry enjoy Globe Trekker. However, none of these shows have ever been of the, "Sorry, we can't make it Tuesday night because we need to see how the hometown dates go for Dr. Travis." There was a slight obsession with season 1 of Survivor, but no one ever again captured our fancy like Richard Hatch so we moved on.

Until now.

Now we have 2 shows that we love so much, we just might be willing to risk friendships and lie a lot in order not to miss them. There will be no socializing on Sundays or Tuesdays for us because, heaven forbid, we miss either Big Love, or and this is the true obsession, The Real Housewives of Orange County.

I am fascinated by polygamy. Would a sister wife be bad or good? Would I appreciate the friendship and the help in the kitchen but resent the sex schedule and the group dinners? Would my sister wives and I be united & tolerant of our big goofy but loveable husband, ,or would we be jealous and snipey like a bunch of high schoolers? Would I loan Margene my car, or, like Nikki, would I be a cow and make up some smiley lie about it making weird noises? Hugh and I think there might be a drinking game in this show... something along the lines of a shot of whiskey every time they show Bill Paxton's ass. Bill has 3 wives. You see his ass a lot.

The Real Housewives of Orange County is so very very bad that it's good. It's like this. You can't look away. We watch the show and yell at the TV. Because, you know, they might hear us. And take our advice. And then not be so stupid. But, then, we wouldn't watch the show.

The show is terrifying. It makes us want to leave town because we are scared we might run into one of these women on the streets and they will then cut us deep. They are not real women. They are women who say things like, "When you are bored at home, make up a little dance to do for him when he comes home." And, "Success in real estate has taking my shopping to a whole new level." They have children who bitch about being given a Mercedes convertible because, the brother having driven it for two weeks, it is "used".

They have husbands who "suggest" boob jobs, they refer to their neighborhood as, "behind the gates" and they have their daughter's makeup professionally done for the 8th grade dance.

Sigh. It is such good television.

My dream is that they combine the two for a Big Love with the Housewives special. Bill Paxton does a little dance! Sister wives loan each other the keys to the Mercedes! Polygamy behind the gates!

Excuse me. I am off to email Bravo.

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