Yesterday, walking out of school, Eva and her sweet little friend, Marie, were running in that crazy way small people do, which is to say they were all entwined and chugging down the hall at full tilt boogie pace, and so it was truly no surprise when they bit the dust and ended up on the ground.
Eva's friend was a bit banged up and she was crying like any normal exhausted 4 year old and she was mad because she is 4 and Eva had landed on top of her and it was a bit of a moment.
And so there's Marie, on the ground all akimbo and her mom is saying soothing type things, which were very sweet and along the lines of, "Come now, it wasn't Eva's fault and let's get you up.." and I am saying, "Eva, it was a little accident and you need to just see if your friend is ok and if you can help her..." and my daughter stood there, with her arms crossed, looking, I hate to say it, annoyed.
My girl was FROSTY. I was saying to her all those mom type things and HELLO, ICE STORM.
And this poor Marie has a wee skinned elbow and her coloring pages have gone asunder and my girl is just standing there looking put out. Oy!
My daughter, whom I love with every drop of everything, hates to do anything wrong. She is mortified at having played any hand in something that ends "badly". It's nuts... she doesn't even want to be associated with any sort of mess. I keep telling her, "look life is one big jumble..."
She hears white noise.
She is so not buying it.
So, Marie is now up and sort of dusts herself off and comes over and gives Eva a hug. She goes on to tell Eva "it's ok" and "don't be mad" and Eva beams her mega-watt smile and off they go.
And I am shaking my head... how did Eva get to be the one on the receiving end of comforting? How is it that her friend feels the needs to apologize for being the one who was hurt?
She knows her own mind and no amount of parenting mumbo-jumbo is going to change things...
On the way home we talked about being polite and concerned... that asking someone if they were hurt was not an admission of guilt... that manners need to be in play at all times and that kindness is not weakness.
But, I tell you, there is a part of me that marvels at her ability to bend people to her will... I have always been one of those apologizing all over the place types... Sorry I looked at you, sorry you spilled your hot coffee all over me, sorry you had traffic... shut me up already.
So, to have this child... well, damn. It's a ride.
The shirt says, Sweet, the pose says Salty
28 comments:
my son gets upset when he makes mistakes, losing some of that fear of failure is a tough one. i cured my own fear of failure in my twenties with alcohol, but i think that's hardly appropriate for children. i can't believe you suggested that.
for shame.
Oh those Chinese adoption people are going to be all up in your grill about the Dragon Lady thing :-)
Eva is going to rule the world one of these days!
Van - I also suggested casual sex... did you miss that sentence?
Jill - Damn... I can see the emails now! Oh well, I think we've established that I suck.
It's hard for children to understand that things going "wrong" doesn't always mean "trouble". Girls are so vicious these days that her "Salty" personality will serve her well.
My son is the same way. So stubborn about sucking it up if a mistake has been made.
Jill, I thought the exact same thing about the uproar that will ensue over the Dragon Lady reference. Good luck with that Kristin ;)
Ok, I've amended the title... ;-)
That is so funny!
I too, am one of those people who apologize for everything, regardless of whether or not I had anything to do with the situation. Must work on that.
Love the pose. Too cute.
And I love the title.
Quite appropriate.
Kristin - i probably missed that sentence thanks to the booze.
I hate to be the devil's advocate... But I think that spunk might come in handy one day! ;)
Michelle - So far, the emails of doom have not begun!
Van - It's a shame you're all the way in NJ... I like a man who drinks early.
Amy - I think so too... fingers crossed!
kristin - i also pay bills late too... i know, i know. pretty unstoppable.
My daughter is a strong willed one also, not sure how I came by her because I am such a people pleaser. But I agree with above post it will serve them well later in life.
I don't think it had to do with your parenting, I think Eva just wanted the approval from her friend,that she wasn't mad at her. Being four is a rough age, just ask my four year old.
Cute picture of Miss. Salty/Sweet!!!!
I can so relate.
Slugger has behaviors -- like just seeing people and assuming there his friends -- that I would like to temper a bit. He needs better boundaries and a dash of stranger danger. But on the other hand, I admire his openness and confidence in social situations. I'm shy and still have a junior-highish tendency to think people are talking about me. I don't want to extinguish his confidence. But there has to be a happy medium.
Let's hope there's a happy medium for Eva, too.
Van - don't play me that way...
Everyday Goddess - People Pleaser - gah! me too.
SSC - Absolutely. I'm sure she didn't want Marie to be upset with her, but man... she was also kind of bugged that her friend would cause such a scene/! Horrors!
Oh you can just see it in her face. I have one like that too. We are definitely in for a ride.
I think I like a privileged white girl saying, "don't play me".
This Dragon Lady has got me hooked around her finger. The whole of my family in fact... including Big Wave who only likes animals...
Oh my gosh that's so interesting. And I love the way you can stand back and assess her like that. She's too cute!
Ps Please don't be offended if I serve you with a cyber restraining order...it's just a precautionary step I take with people like you.
Just kidding, I'm glad you found me because I'm loving your blog too!!
I'm going to hire your daughter to collect payment from my clients. :) They don't stand a chance.
Heh.
P.S. - I'll be rich!!
Isn't it funny how we just come out of the womb with a set personality? I am a people pleaser too, but my son, Connor, definately has a Eva-isch attitude too. I think it's great! And I admire their spunk.
Yes, it is quite a ride.
Yo yo yo yo yo! It's Aunt Bossy!
The salty pose says it all. The strength to bend others to her will will serve her well in this life. My uncle told me tonight how much my mother was awed by and irritated by my strength of will as a kid. She knew it would serve me well but it drove her insane. She told me she wished I'd have one just like me... I had two. Her vengeance was strong... I'll be glad someday.
Eva and Maya, long lost twins. Seriously.
Oh, I know this. I live this wild ride with my Ava. I simply walk behind her in life in absolute awe as she twitches her nose and has everyone in a twist lining up to serve her needs. I so hope these children grow up to use their powers for good and don't end up in orange jumpsuits.
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