Yesterday, walking out of school, Eva and her sweet little friend, Marie, were running in that crazy way small people do, which is to say they were all entwined and chugging down the hall at full tilt boogie pace, and so it was truly no surprise when they bit the dust and ended up on the ground.
Eva's friend was a bit banged up and she was crying like any normal exhausted 4 year old and she was mad because she is 4 and Eva had landed on top of her and it was a bit of a moment.
And so there's Marie, on the ground all akimbo and her mom is saying soothing type things, which were very sweet and along the lines of, "Come now, it wasn't Eva's fault and let's get you up.." and I am saying, "Eva, it was a little accident and you need to just see if your friend is ok and if you can help her..." and my daughter stood there, with her arms crossed, looking, I hate to say it, annoyed.
My girl was FROSTY. I was saying to her all those mom type things and HELLO, ICE STORM.
And this poor Marie has a wee skinned elbow and her coloring pages have gone asunder and my girl is just standing there looking put out. Oy!
My daughter, whom I love with every drop of everything, hates to do anything wrong. She is mortified at having played any hand in something that ends "badly". It's nuts... she doesn't even want to be associated with any sort of mess. I keep telling her, "look life is one big jumble..."
She hears white noise.
She is so not buying it.
So, Marie is now up and sort of dusts herself off and comes over and gives Eva a hug. She goes on to tell Eva "it's ok" and "don't be mad" and Eva beams her mega-watt smile and off they go.
And I am shaking my head... how did Eva get to be the one on the receiving end of comforting? How is it that her friend feels the needs to apologize for being the one who was hurt?
She knows her own mind and no amount of parenting mumbo-jumbo is going to change things...
On the way home we talked about being polite and concerned... that asking someone if they were hurt was not an admission of guilt... that manners need to be in play at all times and that kindness is not weakness.
But, I tell you, there is a part of me that marvels at her ability to bend people to her will... I have always been one of those apologizing all over the place types... Sorry I looked at you, sorry you spilled your hot coffee all over me, sorry you had traffic... shut me up already.
So, to have this child... well, damn. It's a ride.
The shirt says, Sweet, the pose says Salty