Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Facebook, Do I Look Stupid To You?

Months ago I signed up for and got myself a shiny new Facebook account... after all, how could I miss out on the opportunity to connect with people I went to high school and college with and didn't like enough then to stay in touch?

Seriously, the only friends I have on Facebook are people I know and talk to now... like my neighbor and the woman I carpool with.

I did nothing to gussy up my profile. There is a big question mark where a photo should be and the only information is my name and "network".

Imagine my surprise to check my email the other day and see that via the Facebook account, I have received an email... from my husband's high school girlfriend!

Zowie! The magic of the Internet!

She was very chummy and wanted to know if I was indeed married to a man named Hugh whom she dated back in '87 and if so was he going to their school's multi-year reunion this summer and could I give him her email and tell her all about his life?

And I was all, hellz-NO.

Let me be frank, I am still semi-in touch with few old boyfriends... actually, they keep in touch with me, not vice versa and not daily emails or weekly lunches, but in touch... and when we talk it's the talk of people who knew each other prior to being married, being parents, having mortgages, cellulite, and sciatica. It's talk through rose colored language and I know when they look at me they see themselves as 20 something young men with nothing but opportunity and freedom and the ability to stay up past 11:30.

Do I need my husband having these conversations?

Am I jealous? Am I paranoid? Am I controlling?

Probably a little of all of the above.

However, and this is total truth, if he did want to catch up with her, I wouldn't have had more than like 3, ok 10 minutes worth of twinge about it... because part of the reason I still chat when called by my exes is because they were important to me at one time and that isn't insignificant.

I did tell Hugh and showed him the email and... you would have thought I was trying to discuss last week's Army Wives as opposed to this voice from his past. I think he was secretly pleased, but you know, smart enough to act blase.

Men! Oh, he's cool my man.

And me, all wound up.

What he wanted to know was, What the hell is this Facebook that people can track you down?

And I was like, Don't you want to see her photo? Don't you want to talk about this? Let's analyze this until next Thursday!

Of course I am being a total hypocrite because I think I have Googled every guy I ever even had a date with, let alone was in a relationship with and then I call my girlfriends we gossip like a bunch of house cats.

So tell me, do you Facebook/My Space/Google your exes? And would you email their spouse as a way to reach them?

25 comments:

jenontheedge said...

You're on Facebook??? Now I'm going to have to find you (not in a stalking way) and friend you.

No, I haven't tracked to track down old boyfriends. In fact, it never occurred to me.

[actual pause while I go try this]

No luck. Probably because we're too old for this.

Marisa said...

I would send an email from him that read, "I married the world's most beautiful woman and everyday I wake up amazed at her awesomeness!"

Michelle said...

I don't have any exes.....Is that a good or a bad thing? I have been using Facebook lately to catch up with some people I used to be friends with in elementary school. That's been kind of fun.

Shelley said...

Googling?: Yes.
MySpace?: Yes.
FaceBook?: Sometimes.
Why?: Just curious.

Contact Wives?: Never.
That's just creepy in the creepiest sense of the word. A little too "Fatal Attraction" if you ask me.

What is interesting is that she didn't try to find Hugh herself. Or maybe she did. Lock your doors at night. And hide the bunny.

Shell

Amy Y said...

I have looked up my high school sweet heart... I told my hubby about it (way after the fact). I just wanted to know if he was Ok because last I knew, he was in the air force and I didn't know if he'd been deployed to Iraq or not. He hadn't been, but I lost touch with him several years ago.

I would NEVER email someone else's wife ~ that just seems a lil strange and stalkery to me.

I use facebook and myspace to find old friends that I lost touch with ~ but only the ones that I liked in the first place.

I would feel weird about S's ex's looking him (or me) up if it was kept a secret from me. As long as we're all out in the open, I'm Ok. I figure what's good for the goose...

Los said...

I don't think I've really ever been able to have a friendship with any of my exes ... usually, the breakup was pretty intense ... I guess, in a way, I'm lucky, right?

Daniella said...

This post had me hysterical. Very similar incident happened to me. Yeah I do the occasional catch up via fb and classmates but when my dh's ex contacted him via cm - I was quite annoyed - he could not have cared less but me - annoyed. wtf

jennie said...

Although I adhere to the "be nice to exes" of your partner policy, that's more of an in-person set of rules. Like, be very nice and polite, but not too chummy. I would not email the wife of an ex of my own - what would be the point? I think that's just weird.

Daniella said...

forgot to answer your question - I google everyone and no I would never contact an exs wife but I must add I am already very good friends with the hubs ex wife - we have her and her new hubs to visit once a year . there are no kids between them I just like her and he likes her new hubs. He jokes that she still drives him crazy but I like her. I still am annoyed tho at the college ex contacting him even tho he told me and didn't respond.

waitingformaddie said...

Yeah I may have googled a few. (hey no judgements)

I have never tried to look them up on myspace or facebook. And contacting their spouse is just toooooo strange.

I agree with Shelly, lock your doors!

Shelley said...

While you're at it, hide Jones too. :)

carrie said...

Yes, I check them out.

And NO, I WOULD NEVER CONTACT THEIR SPOUSES! NO WAY.

That is all.

Kristin said...

Hmmm... I didn't think of her emailing me as stalker-ish, more ballsy than anything... but now y'all have me freaked out because you're right... it's not somethingI would do...

furiousBall said...

i do that, but i'm single and allowed to stalk. it's a law.

Kayce said...

Yup I've searched, but made no contact. Would I contact the spouse, um NO! Hello!!!??!!

My sil is dealing with this scenario right now, she is so upset and at the end of her rope with it all. My stupid brother!!!

Anonymous said...

Contacting the Ex's wife???? That takes especially large nads, like the kind you need a special permit to haul around!

Also, doesn't admitting that said Ex has a spouse wreck the whole fantasy?

Jenn

Kristin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wendy said...

I've googled old boyfriends too. They are no where to be found on the internet. Probably because they're still getting surfing and getting stoned and have no time for the internets. If I did find them, I would NEVER contact their wives. How tacky.

Kristie said...

I do have a facebook.. don't know how to use it... not sure if I even put a picture on it. Someone sent me something about it and i signed up.. and then i got another message and looked at it just the other day... but I don't think I have any friends on there...

I do have a myspace... and I have a couple highschool flames on my friends lists.. and we used to chat a lil here and there, maybe for two weeks straight.. and then I got bored... ~lmao~

I would never go through their spouses to reach them... if they had spouses... NOPE, still a no...

Now everytime i get on myspace.. it's to try and purchase my friend Miss A... I can't keep up with those other peeps... they keep stealing her out from under me.. and now I don't even have enough money to look her way ~pouts~

Celluloid Android said...

I love your post. I had a woman from my husbands past email me too. And like your husband, he was really not interested. He said, "Oh, that's what she looks like now...and still single. How sad. "
That was it.
Communication over.
Good men, who are TOTALLY in love with their wives, don't care about old girlfriends or at least that's what I tell myself.
:)

Pendullum said...

No... Nevvvvaaaaa!!!!
And one of my husband's ex girlfriends is a minister in a church... and I like to refer to her as Satan...
and she stalks our house... she lives in a different city and yet still finds time to cruise past our house to try and get a peak of her ex and my kid... creepy...
wouldn't know she was scanning our house... but every now and then she drops my husband a e-mail....
I have told my husband 'I do not care if they meet for lunch whatever... as long as it is out of my space...'
And truly I do not care...
I know I have nothing to feel insecure about...Past is past...
oddly enough...my husband never has taken up the lunch offer....
But hate the idea of her cruising my hood... just hate it....

Lisa said...

Oh wow. That would throw me for a loop.
There's only two exes I think would try to contact hubby.

One is named Joanna. I wouldn't trust her. After she and Marc broken up they remained friends. When Marc and I started dating, she wanted to be my friend too. She was in our lives until about a year ago when I found out that three weeks prior to our wedding Joanna told Marc to tell me he was the spend that weekend working and to fly her up for a weekend f*ckfest! Grrrr.

And she says this to him WHILE she's trying to cozy up to me and gain my trust... I was always the one maintaining contact with her. And I wondered why... Until last year...

His brain surgeon ex tho... I think she'd take one look at him and "the armpit on his face" (What she called his goatee), laugh at what a slacker he married then walk away.

Karen and Bob said...

Facebook, Google, Myspace??? Haven't you heard of ZabaSearch?

I've looked up a few ex's but would never contact their wives! I had a phone call a few years back from my DH's old college girlfriend. That made some interesting conversation...but no worries. She is married and 3000 miles away!

Becky said...

omg. i'm the same way and i've googled and looked up old bf's too. but i'd be PISSED of matt did it. and i'd NEVER EVER email a spouse of an old bf to get in touch! wtf?

Heza Hekele said...

Facebook? Yes...but privacy settings are high and you can only see my info if you are invited to do so.

My Space? Isn't this a american teen thing? Not popular in any of the circles I've been in, so...no.

Google the ex's...yep. Well, just the sperm donor turned wife beater/cocain addict/pedophile...I like knowing if he's locked up or not. All other ex's I'm friends with still. Is that rare?

E-mail an ex's spouse? Only if my retirement plans included moving to the looney bin...that's messed. If you aint still in touch with 'em, there is probably a reason for that!