Monday, March 17, 2008

The Final Word

Dear Kristin,

Hi, it's your psyche here and we need to talk. This whole job thing... get over it. Not going to happen.

You have children that need to be driven to school and the library and to tennis courts and the dojo... your children also need to eat and that means the market and cooking.

You have a husband who has things like dry cleaning and let's face it, errands could be the biggest obstacle in this whole "job" quest of yours...

What do you plan to do with those same children of yours over ski week and Spring Break and Christmas Vacation and um, summer?

I know you think that there is a job out there that won't mind if you are constantly not working and are only available between 8:05 and 2:55, but I am here to kick you in the head gently remind you that most employers like to see their workers bees a bit more often.

Think volunteering. Yes, I know you were hoping to earn some actual dollars, but think about earning some brownie points in heaven instead...

And why we're on the subject of heaven, let me just mention that your attempt to fake out the Baby Jesus honor your Lenten sacrifice of no shopping, by having Tori buy those cute red shoes for you and store them in her closet until Easter Sunday, fooled no one.

So, let's not hear anymore about this ok? Frankly, it's exhausting me.

Love,

Your Psyche

P.S. Also, that gym membership of yours? Use it.

45 comments:

furiousBall said...

I told my psyche to suck it long ago

Kristin said...

I suppose I could tell my psyche to suck it, but I'm afraid it would kick me in the ass...

Anonymous said...

Faking out the baby Jesus? I think we need to hear more!

Joe said...

I'm so glad my pysche only mumbles in my head. I'd hate to see what sorts of embarassing things it would trot out were it to write me a letter of this sort.

The shoes, though? Too funny.

The Domesticator said...

Your psyche and my psyche could be soul mates. For real.

;-)

Mamma said...

What about working at a school? Then you'd have the same schedule.

And I'm with furiousball. Suck it psyche!!

Perrin said...

I so hear this. Seriously I do. And, I cannot for the life of me figure it out.

And, yes as of this week I also have the gym calling my big ole' butt to come over for a playdate.

Kayce said...

I needed that! Thanks for the smile..."baby Jesus"...my fav movie Ricky Bobby! I should sit and watch that so I can laugh non stop for an hour!

carrie said...

Is that my gym membership I hear calling?

Nah. Couldn't be.

CDJ said...

First of all, I love your evil shopping scheme. It's a beauty.. and I know from evil, secretive shopping schemes. I have hidden many a shopping bag, UPS delivery from Hubbz over the years.

Second, speaking of shopping, is there any cute little store in your area that might need some part-time help? Little boutiques, at least around here, don't usually open until 10:00 or so and I'm thinking they are used to workers with flexible schedules. Not sure how you feel about the whole retail thing, but just a thought.

Becky said...

omg i wish i was able to have my days to run all my errands. right now i got the hubby at the store while i'm at work. he works nights. if we didnt work different shifts...i dunno HOW things would get done. props to you!

Daniella said...

My psyche (and my husband)constantly reminds me that nobody would hire me and then deal with how much tme off I would like - such as every school break and the summer - hmmm - why not I say? Did the volunteer route instead.

Mel said...

Aw, Kristin. I'm sorry, hon. But I do know one thing you could do!
Write! A! Book!

Do it, do it, do it! You would rock a book, babe.

Amy Y said...

I love the idea of using what free time you find yourself with volunteering... I'll be a jealous, jealous girl :)

Joannah said...

Now you're talking! I'd love to have your job for a while, cuz mine sucks this year.

Phoenix said...

I'd listen to it. Well except for that last part. I bet the Gym subplanted it your mind. They take over, those Gyms.

Shelley said...

Hate to say it, but psyche has some good points.

Let me tell you ...working for other people (other than your chillens and hubby) is over-rated.

And Tori ...what a faithful accomplice! :D

jenontheedge said...

You did not really have a friend buy shoes and store them until this Sunday? I'm pretty sure the little baby Jesus cries when you break your Lent promises.

Which is why I always give up lima beans for Lent. There's no way I'll ever slip up on that one.

Kristin said...

Jen - I did. I truly did. I am adding it to my confessional list.

PIPO said...

Let's see the shoes.

Signed -
The devil on your shoulder.

VanDerHoekArt said...

Wine. That's how I shut my Psyche up. Unfortunately, I always manage to embarrass myself when it's silent.

jennie said...

I think your plan is a good one. I think that if you're searching for something that feels personally fulfilling (as in something all of your own), the most readily available jobs with flexible schedules might not do it for you. I like the idea of volunteering or something creative (like a book). Flexible and fulfilling and productive - all good things.

Fliss and Mike Adventures said...

Good thing I told my psyche that it was just a reasoning voice in my head and that it isn't real... hehehe... now, go get all those shoes that you want.

Pendullum said...

You truly rock my world!
Sweet Baby Jesus,INDEED!

Shelley said...

BTW - Have you ever thought of writing a book? :)

Anonymous said...

Show us the shoes!

Los said...

Kristin - you're better than that, right? The husband might have to make some concessions, or you could work out of your house or something, right?

Kristin said...

Los,

I could work from home (any ideas? phone sex operator? stuffing envelops?) and Hugh is more than willing to pick up the dry cleaning if it means opening up my time to pursue something I enjoy... I just need to figure out what that something is.

Sarah O. said...

OH MY GOD. How can two people possibly have the same psyche?

I should have seen the signs that my psyche was cheating on me.

Made in China said...

OMG! That was hilarious!
Thanks for the laugh!

p.s. I love your new blog design!

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Your psyche is kind of bitchy but entertaining. I would totally hang out with her.

Also? Volunteer work kicks ass. You get paid in love and respect and sometimes movie tickets. (If you volunteer at a movie theater that is.)

LindaJ said...

I told you it was overrated. Job smob...too much shopping to be had

Jodi said...

My psyche told me the same thing, then it & my checkbook got in a wrestling match and the checkbook won. *sigh* I hope it all works out better for you than that! :)

SSC said...

I love it, I love it!!!!!

Gen said...

Hey - my psyche said the same thing!

How do I go about an interview mentioning that I'll need a month off in June and August? Also I can't work nights or weekends.

And my psyche already kicked my ass when I considered a gym membership - not fun :)

I want a Tori to buy me red shoes and hide them for me because I have a Lana who rats out every purchase I make - Where do i get one???

Julie Julie Bo Boolie said...

LOL I'm in the same boat. I can't imagine having to squeeze in Sarah's 1-1.5 hours of homework and all our errands and bath time all before 8 p.m. on a weeknight if I'm only getting home at 6! I don't know how people do it (but I have the utmost respect for them!)

I love volunteering at the school library.

GL

rubyiscoming said...

Dude, keep talking to your psyche. They ain't the boss o' you! Volunteering sounds great but you could also write for a university (communications dept likely). I know plenty o' folks with kids that do it on flex time and/or 3 days/week, etc.

Not to flame your psyche again or anything but there are options for you. You got the goods!

Occidental Girl said...

Yeah, errands are a bad way to use up a whole day! I just did that yesterday, and I didn't earn a thin dime.

Lisa said...

Heyyyyy. You psyche must be a long-lost sis to mine. (Nice to know someone else's is trying to tell them to use the gym membership too!)

Sarah O. said...

Hey Kristin! You back in Hawaii or something?

Our patience wears thin.

Please post!

Jodi said...

has your psyche banned you from blogging? Where the heck are you woman?

Sarah O. said...

I tagged you!

Niihaus said...

This is totally book worthy. Psyche Sucks It.

I took one of those personality tests so that I could see my Psychiatrist, back during my nervous breadown of '07. I turned out to be a mix of Popular Sanguine and Powerful Choleric. Which means I'm meant to be liked. I don't want to be liked. I want to watch my damn shows with my damn drink - and, oh no, it would not be stagnating in misery - This would be perfectly vegatative harmony.

Don't get a job. And talk to me before you start volunteering. My ass put in over 200 hours this last year. I felt I was making up for all the hours Britney spent on TV wasting my time.

Kristie said...

I haven't gotten my Kristin fix in awhile... have you run off to vacation again?

I miss ya

Anonymous said...

Hello, is this thing on?

Does anyone know if Kristin got a job?

We miss you! Come back!

Marisa