Thursday, September 07, 2006

Because You, Internet, Deserve An Actual Post...

and not just the drivel I have been blowing your way for the past few weeks.

Today is the 3rd day of back to school and I already have one child home with the flu. Not a cold or minor cough, but a full blown, vomit-chills-fever-aches-cough flu. Not only is this child totally under the weather, but I found out yesterday, in the most disturbing of manner, that 4 out of 5 of us have been using the same toothbrush (apparently, all the men in my family thought the PINK brush was theirs) so it should be only a matter of time before the small yet deadly germs that are currently working their evil way through my son's system make a grand appearance in the rest of us. Eva, being clever enough to remember that her toothbrush is the purple one with the smiley kitty sticker, will have to nurse us all to our recovery.

The good news is that we can still see and have not gone blind which is what would have surely been the case had we done our typical cannonball entry into the pool last Sunday. I have made several trips to deep Anaheim (past Disneyland! Who knew anything else was out there!) to "the lab" where Lewis, the straight-from-casting mad scientist for hire, has been hard at work analyzing and studying various and sundry samples of water from our pool, gunk from the filter and some leaves from the surrounding pool area. We are in the most tedious of posistions, needing to: A) correctly identify the substance (pretty sure it is paint thinner) and then, B) upon identification, figure out the safe and responsible manner for getting rid of it.

As that damn harbor seal, whose image graces every storm drain in my neighborhood, reminds me, "All storm drains lead to the ocean". This means that there is a particular part per million ratio that I must achieve in order to drain my pool. And yes, drain the pool and acid wash it we must. Because the water looks clean but feels oily and that just squicks me out and I am practically gagging just typing the words.

The very nice Mormon family who own the cover company (do you know how I know they are Mormon? It was a little something I found out after I had a teensy freak out
rational discussion which involved the use of every four letter word in existence and perhaps a few that I may have, in the heat of the moment, made up. To be fair to myself, they were really dropping the ball and they did, after realizing that I was apparently willing to sell my immortal soul to the devil himself in order to get some damn service, rise to the occasion and take care of what was sure to be an insurance nightmare of epic proportions if left unchecked) explained that the polymer substance of the cover has itself been compromised and will smell and be toxic forever. FOREVER. The drama, sheesh.

It one of those built in electronic jobs that rolls up at the deep end and can support the whole family if your whole family got drunk and fell into the pool area at the same time. Instead of having a generation ending disaster, you would merely have the gang rolling about in a manner very similar to a seventies themed frolic upon a totally far out water bed.

Moving on, and I hope you are sitting down, the house, as of this afternoon, is finished. Oh sure, there are one or two little re-doish things, but 99.9% of everything is complete and we can now move on to the very fun and painful to the wallet portion of a remodel: The Buying Of All New Things (because now that everything is shiny and pretty, all the old stuff looks like crap).

The next month will be nothing but delivery vans and efficient UPS men with electronic clipboards. I will be "signing here" for chairs, rugs, doormats, duvets and lamps. Then, when it is all put together, my family and I will stand outside and look in through the windows... we will smile and compliment ourselves on the gorgeous teak floors and the discuss how perfect that glass lamp looks on the Indonesian armoire... or we will oooohhh and ahhhh over the memory of just how soft and luxurious the +hundred thread count sheets in the master bedroom felt... and then we will make our way back to the garage where some cot beds and a battery lantern will welcome us... because, you don't think I am actually letting anyone use any of the new stuff do you?

***
LAB RESULTS ARE IN !

It is indeed paint and paint thinner... how delightful! At least now we* can go about the very fun business of cleaning it up.

*"We" would not be us, but rather "others".

33 comments:

Connie said...

#($* your pool drama is sucking hard!

Love all the newsie stuff idea. I used to have a couch you couldn't sit on and towels you couldn't use. I finally said *#)@ and decided to live it up. Enjoy the good stuff.

kim said...

Ok so this scientist is going to figure out exactly what that was in the pool right?
If you have any problem deciding what to buy first ...let me know
There is nothing I LOVE more than antique and furniture shopping woohooo! and oh oh IKEA hehehe

InterstellarLass said...

Just point me to my room. I promise I'll be quiet.

Gingers Mom said...

That is hilarious! How fun! A completely remodeled house with all new stuff? That sounds awesome. I'm sure it is exhausting too though.

Andrea said...

The flu is going around our school as well. Hope he feels better soon!

Pendullum said...

Party at Kristin's yooohoooo!!!!!

We will bring our own toothbrushes... and they will NOT be pink!!!!

Good on you.... Your renos sound fabulous!!!!

Sorry for the illnesses that are perculating in your male family's veins....

And am so looking forward to the post ofthe guesthouse addition to your house! ; )

But on a most serious note...
Hope that you get to the bottom of the pool stuff...
Still makes my skin crawl with what could have happenend...

Rude Cactus said...

Wow. I'm worn out just reading all that. I need a nap.

Becky said...

i hate it when hannah's sick. hope the kiddo feels better!!!

Los said...

Ah, but the buying of the furniture and decorations is all the fun, isn't it?

That pool nightmare is ridiculous.

Christina_the_wench said...

So when Pend and I bring over the keg and slip 'n slide we have to stay outside?!?! You know I so wanna jump and do somersaults on your new couch don't you? I'll even take off the stilettos.

Tuesday Girl said...

I love new stuff!!
I promise when I get there not to ruin anything, but where oh where is my invite??

Wendy said...

I'm glad your house is finally done. I hope the pool situation is resolved soon. The water had to go to a lab??? Not a good sign...

Bonnie B said...

This sucks-- you have got to find the person responsible and then do what needs to be done

Your pool cover could be a party asset

Finally, I've been thinking about moving to the garage and buying a new cot so I don't have to look at the dump I live in (kidding-- congrats on finally finishing the house-- now comes the fun part-- redecorating!!!!!)

Mel said...

Gulp. Can you bill the contractor?
And I laughed hard when I got to the end. :)

Jodie said...

At least (for the most part) the hot summer days are dwindling down and the pool can recover over the next few months and be good as new! What a pain in the ass.

Very BIG congratulations on surviving (barely) the remodeling!! I hope you enjoy it for many years to come! Oh, you'll be hesitant to actually sit on the new furniture or walk on the new floors for a bit...but that won't last long. Not with 3 kids, that's for sure! Plus, don't you want to throw a huge "Remodeled House Warming" party?? I know, you're already working on those invitations, aren't ya? ;-)

Kim M. said...

We had a virus the 2nd day of school and you won't believe this but my husband, my daughter and I were sharing the same toothbrush. I figured it out when my bush was wet before I used it.

Can't wait to see picks of the new digs!

Jenn said...

I guess my house isn't the only one with the FULL BLOWN FLU flying through it huh? *hugs* take lots of vitamins!!

So glad the house is finally done!! WOO HOO

Do we get pictures?!?!?!

mrsmogul said...

I don't know any Mormon people. Do they look like the AMISH? Cause two years ago when I was in Las Vegas (the Caesar's Palace to be exact), I saw a group of them walking through. But they looked like amish...not sure!! Oh why am I rambling??

Kristin said...

The Mormon family looked like everyone else, but when I found out (much later) that they were very devout I felt like a big ASS!

J.D. said...

Would it be possible for you to ever have just one semi-normal day? :) LOL, who did you piss off in a former life?

Melissa said...

Somehow I knew it was going to end like that. Last sucks so bad about your pool. My parents have one of those pool covers. When their dog Sage was little, they had just gotten one of those and they used to test it by throwing her ball in the middle.

The pink one was all of theirs, shit. Try dosing everyone with that oh shit what's it called....the box with the airline, the don't get a cold while flying stuff. Anyone? Anyone....Bueller?

Lisa said...

See... I'd do the same thing if we got all new stuff and had paid alot of money for it... The whole family would be in the garage too.

And I'm so sorry they still haven't fixed the pool. That oily business is just BAD! YUCK!

lildb said...

omg. I would so not let anyone touch anything, either. (well, no, I would just cover everything in three bazillion layers of plastic. so much better.)

but seriously, congratulations on the 99%! and, oh, crap about the nasty pool-squick-inducingness. that ain't right.

Colleen said...

So the painter's will be paying for this suckfest clean up job, right? And there will be new filters purchased that they will pay for as well, right? Say it's so, say it's so!

Kristi said...

The mormons are superbig in my town. You can bet anyone with 4 + kids is on the lds train. So you watch your words and don't offer caffeinated beverages to everyone you meet.

Then again, if you're offering caffienated beverages to everyone you meet, you might want to consider getting a new job. Waitressing does make much.

JayJenny said...

Congrats on your new "job", that's great!

I hope you've found something to solve your pool drama. What a mess!

sunshine scribe said...

This pool drama is nuts.

Happy new stuff shopping!

Angry Dad said...

And I thought my leaking pool drama was painful, sounds like nothing on you. You should have just stayed in Hawaii that little extra time. No pool dramas. No flu. No toothbrush reuse!

Melinda said...

You must be relieved to have an answer to the question of the substance in the pool.

Hope your son feels better soon and when are you posting photos of the remodel?

Pattie said...

I am glad you found out what it was. Hopefully, it won't be too difficult to clean up.
Also *good thoughts* that the rest of you stay healthy! Eww...nothing worse than a full blown flu virus.
On a happier note YEAH! Congrats on finishing the house...happy shopping! Post pics soon so we can live vicariously through you.

Recovering Wino said...

Sounds like you need another vacation...

carrie said...

Cheers! Your house is done! That is reason to celebrate and give pause to the clean-up ahead of you, which, I hope is a little less horrid now that you know what it is!

Carrie

mothergoosemouse said...

Holy crap. How the FUCK did paint thinner get in your pool? Has that mystery been solved yet?

I mean, I'm sorry that you have so much work and expense associated with cleaning up this mess, but I am really freaking out about WHY THE HELL this happened and how fortunate it is that no one was hurt.