After spending the day down on Waikiki Beach, probably one of the greatest crossroads of human-kind, I am compelled to try and establish some very basic seashore going guidelines...
1. Just because it comes in your size does not mean you should buy it. A bikini in a size 22 defeats the point and a speedo is just a poor choice at all times. Also, let's rethink the thong bottom shall we? Excellent under jeans. Tacky everywhere else.
2. Makeup. Don't wear it at the beach. I understand and subscribe to waterproof mascara, but anything beyond that is weird. Who are you foundation/blusher/eyeshadow girl? Where do you hail from? How do you swim with a face that has been spackled on?
3. Smoking. Smoking at the beach is simply gross. The beach is about feeling healthy and soaking up some vitamin C (while wearing factor 45 of course)... if you want to be eggy, head across the street and enter the first dive bar on your right. Your ciggies will fit right in.
4. Bratty kids. Drown them. Ooops, kidding! Seriously, people, contain your friggin' kids. I don't need them running across my towel and I don't need them making off with my kids' sand toys. If they want to sit and help dig a hole, I am fine with that. Very cute. If they make a grab for a pail and shovel and they hie their ass down the beach, I am going to be annoyed.
5. Lastly, hang up the phone. Put the cell phone down. You are not that important. Go in the water, toss a frisbee at your kid, take a surf lesson... anything, just please shut up.
So, there you go... 5 little suggestions to help make a day at the beach a more pleasant time for all...
* And as a special little rule for myself, I need to remember not to charge into the water and offer to tow my 8 year old back out to the surf lineup if I don't want him to hate me for the rest of the afternoon.