ACTUAL conversation ~
Mother: Your children are so patient with you.
Me: Yes, they ar... hello? My children are patient with me? Don't you mean that I am patient with them?
Mother: No. Kristin, you really are very complicated.
Me: Clearly, I am not hearing this correctly. Let me just clarify: You think that the kids are patient with me because I am
Mother: (laughing) Well, yes. You always have been.
Me: I obviously totally suck.
Mother: Well, don't worry. You have met your match in Eva.
I now try to bribe Eva into shooting eye-hate daggers in my mother's direction by promising to buy her a pony... it doesn't work and Eva goes all cute and warmy-kins with the enemy.