Tuesday, January 03, 2006

He Sees You While You're Sleeping...

For several weeks my mother has been asking me if a certain package from Gumps has arrived... ooooohhh... Gumps! As we all know, they have really excellent stuff. Excellent stuff is always welcome in my home.

The package arrived on Sat., a little late for Christmas, but when you are about to rip open a battered UPS box of Christmas cheer, what difference does a week make??

We opened.

Here it is.




Do you think he was cuter in the catalogue photo? Like a model who has had her cellulite erased, her boobs enhanced and her skin unblemished to creamy perfection all thanks to the marvel that is Photo-Shop? Because, my mom is cute and has cute things and there is no way, if she had seen the evil that is this Santa, that she would have sent him to the very home where her precious grandbabies reside.

The only good thing about this creepy-devil Santa is, as the holidays are over, and, seeing as we have un-decked our halls, Santa is going back in his box and out to the garage where he will be locked in a large bin... a bin from which he cannot escape and therefore will not be able to steal our breath while we sleep.

F.U. Gumps.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

K, just throw him out...its ok...seriously. unless it is tied to some family tradition, move on. My wife has to endure all sorts of little goofy Tempel family traditions. I say, if it wasn't a present from a close grandparent or more directly, off the Santa. But that is just me....

F

crouching mother hidden diva said...

GUMP'S -- how could you have wronged us so?!

I think you should seat him in a chair next to your sometime neighbor's driveway. I'd leave him there all year, because before you know it -- it's Christmas, again. Also, according to my law enforcement insider, people who leave holiday decorations up too long are usually 3-strikers! It may be that final push the next-door bah humbugs need to prompt their exodus.

Besides, he's kinda cute...

Nicki said...

And we wonder why our children cry year after year when we force them to sit on scary man's (aka mall Santa) lap simply to display the photo on the mantel (if I actually had a mantel) and to have the ability to answer the often asked question. "Did you have their picture taken with Santa?" From now on we can skip the mall, pull out scary man from Gumps and torture them in the comfort of your home. Something to look forward to.... Or simply put him under your back tire when you pull out of the driveway (if you actually had a driveway) and put him out of his misery....