Dragon Lady (Don't Get Your Knickers In A Twist, Folks)

Yesterday, walking out of school, Eva and her sweet little friend, Marie, were running in that crazy way small people do, which is to say they were all entwined and chugging down the hall at full tilt boogie pace, and so it was truly no surprise when they bit the dust and ended up on the ground.

Eva's friend was a bit banged up and she was crying like any normal exhausted 4 year old and she was mad because she is 4 and Eva had landed on top of her and it was a bit of a moment.

And so there's Marie, on the ground all akimbo and her mom is saying soothing type things, which were very sweet and along the lines of, "Come now, it wasn't Eva's fault and let's get you up.." and I am saying, "Eva, it was a little accident and you need to just see if your friend is ok and if you can help her..." and my daughter stood there, with her arms crossed, looking, I hate to say it, annoyed.

My girl was FROSTY.  I was saying to her all those mom type things and HELLO, ICE STORM.

And this poor Marie has a wee skinned elbow and her coloring pages have gone asunder and my girl is just standing there looking put out.  Oy!

My daughter, whom I love with every drop of everything, hates to do anything wrong. She is mortified at having played any hand in something that ends "badly".  It's nuts... she doesn't even want to be associated with any sort of mess.  I keep telling her, "look life is one big jumble..."

She hears white noise.

She is so not buying it.

So, Marie is now up and sort of dusts herself off and comes over and gives Eva a hug.  She goes on to tell Eva "it's ok" and "don't be mad" and Eva beams her mega-watt smile and off they go.

And I am shaking my head... how did Eva get to be the one on the receiving end of comforting? How is it that her friend feels the needs to apologize for being the one who was hurt?

She knows her own mind and no amount of parenting mumbo-jumbo is going to change things... 

On the way home we talked about being polite and concerned... that asking someone if they were hurt was not an admission of guilt... that manners need to be in play at all times and that kindness is not weakness.

But, I tell you, there is a part of me that marvels at her ability to bend people to her will... I have always been one of those apologizing all over the place types... Sorry I looked at you, sorry you spilled your hot coffee all over me, sorry you had traffic... shut me up already.

So, to have this child... well, damn.  It's a ride.

The shirt says, Sweet, the pose says Salty

School Daze

Because we enjoy complicating our life as well as acting upon last minute yet surprisingly well thought out decisions, our children have started a new school this year.

We registered on August 27th.

School started on the 5th.

Which required an eleventh hour flurry of testing/transcripts/paperwork/uniform and only 12 or so middle of the night sobbing fits, are we doing the right thing???? from yours truly.

Today I met the headmaster and as he and I were chatting away, a part of my brain kept thinking, I can't believe how much this guy reminds me of Bill Paxton in Big Love... would it be weird to tell him?

I decided that telling the head of your children's Catholic school that he reminds you a polygamist would be bad form.

Jack had a great first day while Jake informed me that, It didn't totally suck.

Day 2 received more positive feedback - Good and fun was the consensus.

Whew.

We left our last school for a number of reasons and it was not an easy decision. I loved the idea of my kids graduating from 8th grade with the kids they had been in kindergarten with...

But, ineffective administration was making the place feel like a junior high and the best interests of the kids began falling behind the best interests of certain highly moneyed parents... a problem not unique to private schools where some adults think the more cash they throw around the more policy they should be allowed to dictate... obviously, it's the school's responsibility to quell this tide, only ours wasn't...

So after a month of summer, a month of stepping back and calmly looking at the big picture, Hugh and I realized that we had to make a change.

We're not alone. 5 kids from Jake's class left as well as 4 from Jack's... considering the school is a 1 class per grade with about 22 kids per class, well that is rather significant.

And so we talked to the kids... and talked and talked to each other some more... and the boys accepted our decision... at the end of the day they really understand that we would never make a choice for them that we didn't believe was for the best; they know they are our priority and they trust us.

We gave them a choice of 2 schools... both excellent and we deferred to their preference (which was secretly ours, but we wanted them to feel as though they had some self determination in this process).

I was told that having a family call and discuss admission a mere month before school begins is highly unusual... thank goodness I have brainiac children so I can walk softly and carry a big report card... turns out they welcomed us with open arms and 47 pages of paperwork.

I know all of you out there with the babies and the sleep deprivation are thinking you are in the hardest part of parenting and maybe, physically you are... but, I am here to warn you that the mental exhaustion... the second guessing... that only gets worse... there are days when I am nothing but exhausted... days when I question every single choice I made... days when I realize I am giving nothing but assvice... days when I make myself shut up.

Yet, I have these wonderful, wonderful children.


*** edited to add***

as of 2:59 pm, 9/8/07, these "wonderful wonderful children" are approximately 11 minutes away from being sent to boarding school!!!