Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Drunk Blogging, Now With More Fiesta

You'll have to forgive me if this makes little sense but I'm busy shooting tequila and it's making my mouth numb and my brain spinny.

Why? WHY on a Wednesday night am I having such a mucho festive time?

Because I am killing germs.

The common cold, staph, herpes... you name it, I'm trying to poison it with cheap liquor.

Because I am stupid.

Because a letter came for my brother today and it wasn't sealed properly, so, before I wrote, "Return to Sender: no longer at this address" on the envelope, I RE-LICKED it.

Shudder.

Squirm.

It was over before I even realized what I had done and Hugh, face stunned, was in shock... and I started gagging, OMG, OMG, OMG!!! and I began to spit in the sink and slurping water while Hugh simply walked over to the used-to-be-the-laundry-now-is-the-liquor-closet and took out the tequila, handed it to me and said, Drink.

Sloshing twequila into a small shot glass I sort of gurrgled with it, while my husband directs me, Get your lips (??!) and listing all the disgusting germs possibly carried on the back of that prelicked gummy strip...

The big scabby sore on her lip that the front desk girl was probably picking as she sealed the mail... the ass scratching postal worker... the nose picker, the guy with the wet sneeze... he's mentioning them all.

I'm going for another shot.

Adios.

18 comments:

Los said...

OK - so that's going to be my excuse for drinking next time ...

Jen on the Edge said...

I'm such a germophobe that I'm shuddering as I think of the possibilities.

Drink up.

Marisa said...

Has your tongue turned black yet?

Ninotchka said...

Oh, he is EVIL and equally brilliant. I'm sure he was just trying to get you drunk so he could take advantage of you. Oldest trick in the book. ha ha ha Love & miss you! xxoo

Amy Y said...

Haha ~ that's awesome :) I am sure you killed all the germs! :)

Pollyanna said...

See, of all my reasons for drinking, germ killing wasn't one I had ever thought of. Blah! :)

Kim said...

I am so licking some envelopes later :)

Kristie said...

Pass the bottle this way

Shelley said...

I'm sure you killed the germs ...and a few brain cells ...in the process. Hope the headache wasn't too bad. :)

Kim said...

by the way ...someone nominated me for a Superior Scribbler award anddddd being the good blog friend that I am ... I passed it on to you :)

mimi's mommy said...

You got me so skeeved I'm drunk myself. Does that make me a proxy drunk?

Glinda said...

Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and hoping those you know in American Samoa are safe and unharmed.

thatgirlblogs said...

I'm thinking this might cure the cold I've had all week. Gonna be hitting the bottle, I mean medicine, very shortly. Thanks for the tip.

Featured you on my blog today.

Vicki said...

Love it! Gold!

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