You'll have to forgive me if this makes little sense but I'm busy shooting tequila and it's making my mouth numb and my brain spinny.
Why? WHY on a Wednesday night am I having such a mucho festive time?
Because I am killing germs.
The common cold, staph, herpes... you name it, I'm trying to poison it with cheap liquor.
Because I am stupid.
Because a letter came for my brother today and it wasn't sealed properly, so, before I wrote, "Return to Sender: no longer at this address" on the envelope, I RE-LICKED it.
It was over before I even realized what I had done and Hugh, face stunned, was in shock... and I started gagging, OMG, OMG, OMG!!! and I began to spit in the sink and slurping water while Hugh simply walked over to the used-to-be-the-laundry-now-is-the-liquor-closet and took out the tequila, handed it to me and said, Drink.
Sloshing twequila into a small shot glass I sort of gurrgled with it, while my husband directs me, Get your lips (??!) and listing all the disgusting germs possibly carried on the back of that prelicked gummy strip...
The big scabby sore on her lip that the front desk girl was probably picking as she sealed the mail... the ass scratching postal worker... the nose picker, the guy with the wet sneeze... he's mentioning them all.
I'm going for another shot.