Thursday, June 28, 2007

And It's Only Thursday...

MOM, the dogs are barking at a tortoise in the front yard!

Seriously, have you ever had such a statement hollered at you?

A tortoise?

So, out I go and sure enough, the labs are sniffing away at a tortoise.

Again, in case you haven't caught on, there was a tortoise in my yard.

I do not live in the desert.

Jake shoos the dogs off and Jack and his best friend, Maia, come out and Maia fortunately is the proud owner of Benny and Renny, two Russian Desert Tortoises (tortoi?) and she knows what to do... the most important of which seems to be the washing of the hands after touching the creepy thing.

We put it in a boot box with dirt and lettuce and stick the whole caboodle in the bathtub, take a digital photo and off to the pet store.

Imagine the look on the clerk's face when I preface my questions with, "I found a tortoise in my yard this morning..."

He actually told me that he has never heard such a thing.

I told him he needs to get out more.

In any case, he takes one look at my photo and dismisses any notions we may have had of this stray being a Russian Desert because it is in fact a Sulcata.

Which is a species of tortoise that grows to be about 125 pounds and lives 100+ years. And it needs special outdoor enclosures and roaming spaces and for the love of God do NOT feed it worthless iceberg lettuce... is that iceberg in the corner of the photo?

This information is all I need to announce to the children, "We are not keeping this thing."

I call Prehistoric Pets in Fountain Valley and they are most willing to take the Sulcata off my hands; probably because, fully grown, they can be sold for as much as $10,000.

But, instead I gave it to Tori.

And promised to pick up the cost of the outdoor enclosure.

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A tortoise which is not a Russian Desert...

And you would think that would be enough weirdness but Hugh and I still had a dinner to go to and it turned out to be a night of worthless drinking and good hamburgers in a dive bar which we decided could pass for a dive bar in Jamaica and therefore many photos were taken of us pretending to be in Jamaica because our friends are going there in August and have told their children that we are going as well... because they are not married and we are and apparently the presence of a married couple means there will be no hanky panky between the singles.

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Me, in Jamaica!
or Dana Point, you choose.



29 comments:

Shelley said...

Oh come on ...why don't you want a turtle? They're quiet.

Great pic of a lovely woman. But what I want to know is "Did you save a burger for me?" ;-P

Mrs. Incredible said...

Turtles are creepy.

Anonymous said...

Finally a new post from Eva Las Vegas! I could hardly believe my bloglines!

Welcome back!

Marmite Breath said...

My kids really want a tortoise, but I can't relent. My dog would try to eat it.

How come you look so damn young in every photo? I should hate you, but I can't because you're just SO DAMN LOVELY!

Damselfly said...

Usually it's *me* that reptiles are so drawn to.... I think it's a good idea not to keep it. They get so big, and then what do you do with it? It wouldn't be fair to him. Her?

Jewels of My Heart said...

What a cute little turtle... Glad he found a good home. I can't believe they are legal to keep if they grow that big.
Dinner sounds like you were the life of the party!

Mamma said...

What a wacky thing to find a tortoise in your yard!

Great pic!!

Niihaus said...

That is the creepiest tortolla I've ever seen! And, I'm thrilled that your kids called it a tortoise - how f'ing cute!

Nikki said...

A day in the life of someone who has weirder shit happen to them than I do.

Thought I'd never see it. LOL

Ninotchka said...

You look very beautiful, my friend!

And a tortoise in the yard? Nope. Haven't heard that one before. But I'll be sure to reference this story should the opportunity present itself. ha ha ha

Debbie said...

I love tortoises! I would love to have one but sadly they are lots and lots of $$$ in the UK.

Debbie in the UK

Jenny said...

Damn girl your teeth are soo white. I think you look like you are in Jamaica!

Man I need a vacation.

And the turtle soo looks like tori spelling so good name!

Dan said...

Tortoises rock ... but they're so damned hard to spell!

Kristin, you're so beautiful in that photo!

Lisa said...

I really like turtles. And froggies too. (I don't know why.)

Look at you looking all hot with your awesome hair!

Los said...

I had a box turtle for about 25 years ... It was fun for the first two years or so ... but, there really isn't much you can do with a turtle.

C.J. said...

A freaking giant, stinky turtle? That's a lotta soup baby ;0)

Hey - love the 'Jamaica' shot, Ms. Hottie

Lisa said...

P.S. Talked about you on my blog. Hope that's ok.

InterstellarLass said...

That's pretty cool to find a tortoise. Better than a dead 'possum with guts on the patio. I mean, how much can it cost to feed a 125# turtle?

Kayce said...

Yeah...you're alive! Glad to hear from you. 10,000 for a turtle? Damn I'm in the wrong business.

carrie said...

Holy cow!

I can't believe that stinkin' tortoise found it's way to you.

Crazy.

Jamaica sounded fun, though! :)

Carrie

Kevin Charnas said...

You hottie you...

That poor tortoise...or whatever you called it. I think that Tori should name it, "Torti". Whaddya think?

Speaking of "Dana Point", you know that Jessica over at Oh, The Joys, her son, The Mayor, calls his butthole, "Dana". Just some FYI.

Rodrigo said...

Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira.(If you speak English can see the version in English of the Camiseta Personalizada. Thanks for the attention, bye). Até mais.

Gina said...

for $10,000 I will keep the thing... I'll even start to like it, maybe... just maybe.

Scribbit said...

I'm not really into animals but I have to say that would be fun to find a turtle in the yard. Once I found a frog that the mower has found first . . .

Anonymous said...

My son has a bearded dragon lizard and I have learned to love it.

Marissa

Pendullum said...

Tortoise???Well, at least your dogs know an intruder...Mine wouldn't even notice it...

And By the by and by...

Do you ever take a bad picture???
Hugh must thank his lucky stars every night... and thank the heavens every morning...

M3 said...

Aw, he's (she's?) kinda cute. And I am NOT at all a reptilian fan. Turtles *are* reptiles, right? If they're not please don't tell anyone about my ignorance. ;-)

Oh, and the Jamaica photo? You're lookin' hot mon.

rubyiscoming said...

f'in' funny! my dogs have cornered a HUGE armadillo in our backyard - nasty little bugger - much creepier than a tortoise.

your photo could be in Key West, too - ahhhh, Key West - the land of plenty o' mojitos, humidity, oddities and roosters.....

Flutterby said...

It probably escaped from someone else. Did you try and see if someone was missing one? I know that sounds silly but... really. You should check. I live in the middle of a desert... we have tortises here. Had one show up in our backyard a few years ago. Checked around but they're a dime a dozen here and probably wandered in from god knows where. Thing is, you aren't supposed to just take them and dump them back off where you think they should live because they are territorial creatures. If you put them in the wrong place they wouldn't know where to find food and would probably die. So we kept the tortise. http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?&p=999&uid=89354&gid=146389&&imgid=29675537&offset=504
There is a picture of him if that link works.