When Jake turned 2 I decided it was time to start potty training. He's 2! It's potty time! After 3 days of accidents which culminated in my yelling and accusing him of "going on purpose!" (No, I am not proud of myself and, although that was 8 years ago, I still feel shame sharing that little tidbit of proud motherhood moments with you" I decided to fuck it all and welcomed Huggies new size 5/6 diapers into my life.
Jake and I decided together that when he was 3 1/2 we'd revisit the situation. If he chose to use it earlier, so be it, but it was up to him. I assumed he'd be using the toilet by kindergarten and that was all that really mattered.
Now, those of you who have boys (or husbands or boyfriends) know that they enjoy nothing more than peeing au naturel in the great outdoors. Both my boys mastered peeing in the bushes wayyy before they tied it to taking off the Power Ranger briefs and running to the bathroom.
3 1/2 rolled around and Jake and I went to Target and bought some shiny new boxer briefs (just like Daddy's... and now the Internet knows what kind of underwear my husband wears) in an impossibly ridiculous size.... I should have had a pair bronzed to hang from my Christmas tree... and he was completely trained in 3 days. We're talking overnight, poop, the whole bathroom shebang. Done.
Because I am not a complete moron, I followed this same protocol with Jack and with it, received the same, non-headache producing results.
No car full of changes of clothes. No rushing around parks looking for a non-contaminated toilet seat. No fits of quiet sobbing while applying Urine-B-Gone to my sofa.
Then Eva came along.
Oh, she'll be potty trained by 2! Girls are so easy, they train themselves!
Well, I'm here to tell you: Some don't.
Some, like my daughter, despite the fancy Dora toilet seats and endless 3-packs of Hello Kitty underwear, will tell you, straight to your face, "I don't want to use the potty. Please buy more Princess Pull-ups because I am a big girl and big girls don't wear diapers."
The irony of that statement was lost on her.
However, I have enough friends whose daughters had some serious issues, especially poop-related... that I refused to push her.
And secretly, I find Pull-ups easier. You only change them a handful of times and you don't have to say, every 15 minutes, "Shall we try and go peeps?" You don't have to camp out in the bathroom with your child while they sing songs and look at books and babble about poop and pee.
So that is how we've been rolling... with me saying on a daily basis for the last year, "Let me know when you want to use the big girl potty."
So very zen.
Until the other night. The other night, after I had changed a dump the size of something that should only be coming out of an adult male with a severe digestive problem, and made me think twice about allowing so much melon at snack time, I informed her that in the morning, we were moving to panties.
And we did.
And she hasn't missed a beat.
Last night, Jack had a haircut at 6:30 pm, and she turned to me and said, "I have to pee" and Jake (bless him) took her down to the bathroom and she peed and potty history was made.
Cue the music.
And so we are off to Target to purchase a long coveted Barbie Mermaid.
And because I am bragging, you just know the demi-gods of potty-karma are plotting a blowout on me in the toy aisle.