Saturday, February 03, 2007

Did you know that if you get sick on the Internet cute men will offer to come over and hug you? Had I known this I would have started the whining long, long ago... like, maybe my second blog post.

Did you also know that the HATE hasn't stopped and I am still actively receiving the emails of loathing on a weekly basis? But, no worries... I have come to look forward to them... in the same way an abductee feels compassion for their captor, I have learned to read between the lines.

For instance: Rich bitches like you don't deserve children because you can't appreciate the work that it takes to be a good mom.

My interpretation: You have pretty hair.

Or: All you do is complain. Why did you even bother to have kids?

My read: Your skin looks great!

And my personal favorite: Women like you make me ill. Your (sic) letting your daughter be raised by a nanny who is probably an alien so that you can spend time on your looks.

I read: Those jeans make your ass look awesome!

More information for you is that migraines and coumadin are NOT friends and the advice of your cardiologist will be to "Take 2 Extra Strength Tylenol with a Coke."

Tylenol? Goody. Maybe I can just keep my fingers crossed instead?

I have started taking fish oil supplements (Thanks Kayce) and have cut down on dairy (Thanks Anon) and am keeping a stash of dark chocolate (Thanks Auds) in the upper reaches of my pantry (If it is at eye level I will eat it. In like 3 minutes.) and hopefully these non-coumadin reactive changes will help...

Because, God help me, if they don't, and the delight of the nausea and dancing lights and vice grip pain across my brow continues, I may change my tune about the email-of-hate and it is possible I would feel the need to hunt down the wordsmith of love and smack 'em one.

And, just FYI our nanny is totally from Earth. ;-)

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