Friday, December 22, 2006

Step Off, All Ye Grinches

Hot damn people... small wonder I like you, the Internets, better than the real people because, HELLO - everyone out there is in a bad fucking mood.

Except for the folks at South Coast Medical ER... they are in lovely moods and managed to talk me off a cliff when I came screeching in there yesterday at 11 am following Jack's forehead meeting the corner of the games cabinet. Can you say, "puncture wound"? How about, "Holy shit, head wounds bleed a lot!"?

*here is where I was going to insert a still from the movie, Carrie, but just looking at those images seemed really un-Christmas-y.

I can say, "Hooray for Derma-Bond!"

how is it possible that an injury so very tiny could bleed so FUCKING much?

Right in the middle of his face... at one point I said to the attending doctor, "Listen, don't think my priorities are out of whack here, but do you see how cute this kid is? Look at him. I don't want some messed up lumpy scar in the middle of his forehead, ok?"

I was sort of half kidding, but you know, not really.

The doctor was not amused.

He also wasn't amused later when I asked if I could take some Derma-Bond home with me, either... god, that I was joking about.

Sort of.

And last night, Hugh said to me, now, don't go nosing around because your present is in here...well, why not just say to me, "Open Season on the Bedroom cupboards!"? Cause I am totally looking...

And I see it.

In shiny green paper. Paper that we don't have in this house so I cannot open and take a peek because there is no shiny green paper to re-wrap the evidence of my tampering.

Because Hugh is very clever and he knows my evil ways.


But, I decided to take a peek and it is on a veryhighshelf and maybe it sortoffelloffandhitmeonthehead which is really karma's way of telling me, "Don't look, ass!"

Don't you think that is what karma is saying? When your very own Christmas present falls and hits you on the head and maybe you have a bump from it, that maybe you are not supposed to peek.

Happy Holidays everyone, may your presents not attack you and may you stay clear of the ER.


Sandra said...

Yes, may your presents not hit you in the head ... but I'd have actually said it was a sign I was supposed to open it to take a peak ... payback for attacking me.

Sorry to hear about the ER trip. My friend's daughter had a head injury and she refused to leave until a plastic surgeon took a look and assured her of scaring. So your guy got of easy with your questions.

s@bd said...

thank you and thank you.

same to you.

Stephanie said...

My girlfriends son hit his head during the summer. They used derma-bond and now the scar is all but a distant memory! Too bad that stuff doesn't work on broken hearts sometimes.
Anyway, wishing you a wonderful holiday!
- Stephanie

Mommy off the Record said...

Oh no! Poor Jack! But, gosh, even with that puncture wound he is a cutie.

Happy holidays to you and your family! And may you be far, far away from the ER for a very long time.

mamatulip said...

OMG. Julia had a puncture wound when she was a baby and the blood was squirting. SQUIRTING.

I feel for you. Ugh.

Happy Holidays...may there be no more ER visits in your future.

carrie said...

I am a HUGE fan of dermabond, and try to bribe the ER personnel every time one of my kids has needed it (which has been 3 times for the boys)!! Hope it heals up without any scarring, and hope the holidays are a bit more calm - with no present injuries!!!


F said...

You absolutely kill me. Attacked by your own Christmas gift? Only you.

Los said...

My mom used to tell me not to look in certain cabinets around Christmas ... and of course, I always did snoop around. I wish I wouldn't have, because it would have made Christmas day more special ... ah, live and learn!

Oh, The Joys said...

Did your forehead get an idea what it might be?

Connie said...

heheh! Sounds like a very jovial doc ;0) Glad Jack is still the cutie despite the gushering head hole (which will heal just lovely)

C' the gift already (evil on your shoulder).

Damselfly said...

Yikes! Like mother, like son with the head injuries? Hope your green shiny present is everything you want it to be -- or else you can kick its ass for hitting you on the head. Hope your boy is OK!

Anonymous said...

Ha Ha funny. Only you could do that. You are one of the funniest people in the world. I say that cause I know you. YOu are my mom's cousin...........this is emily. I can't wait for this summer. Oh comes mom.Anyway mom, Katherine, john, peter, and dad, and me say hi and wish you a merry christmas!!!!!!!!!!!! P.S. nice website!

Jodi said...

Oh man, I am glad Jack is okay! I remember Trent split his head open when he was a toddler and I swear to God I have never so much blood in all my life. It was horrible. And he had to have 5 stiches because it was on head where he had a ton of hair, and oh it was drama. So glad Jack is alright!

Be sure to tell us what your present was that almost sent YOU to the ER. :)

wzgirl said...

Wow! I can NOT WAIT to hear what is in that shinygreenboxontheveryhighshelf!!!

Jack looks like such a maddog - like the spill "didn't even really hurt"!!

Happy Holidays, you! XO

Gracencameronsmomy said...

Oh no!! I hope he is feeling better! Merry CHristmas!

penguininthesun said...

well if it was heavy enough to leave a bumb, it must be something good.

scribbit said...

Yea, my son had a run in with a snowboard a couple weeks ago and it bleed like crazy. Head wounds.

Shelley said...

Oh, I'm so sorry your boy had to go through that. Yes, the head bleeds like a stuck pig. It is amazing. I was in a terrible car crash, with my head split across the top (yeah, I know, explains a lot - ha ha), when I was in college and was convinced I was going to die because there was so much blood.

I hope he's feeling better.

As for you sneaky little thing ...whad-ja get? :)

Anonymous said...

I LOVE this post of yours. YOu made me laugh out loud a FEW times!

Yes, I would have said the same thing to the doctor -- your little guy is beautiful!

I thought of you recently -- my Christmas gift this year is Restylane! heehee.

Its me, Lisa at Midwestern Mommy. Blogger hates me.... STILL!

Anonymous said...

WHEN GOOD PRESENTS GO BAD - tonight, on Fox!

Ninotchka said...

Adorable entry! Poor little guy. Looks painful. Merry Christmas to you all! BEWARE OF FALLING PRESENTS, lest you end up at the ER in need of some derma bond. LOL

Kristen said...

Hooray for Dermabond! I hope your holidays are happy and healthy!

Susie Sunshine said...

It's just not Christmas if there's not a trip to the emergency room at some point!
Hope the rest of your Christmas break is happy and healthy!

Anonymous said...

I am sorry about Jack, but this post had me lauging out loud! My husband had to come in and see what was causing all the merriment in the kitchen!

Happy Holidays!!


Anonymous said...

tell that kid he needs to learn how to duck

Anonymous said...

about that box falling on your head, it's called "ba-chi". When you send a box with two presents to two people it's assumed each will get one. #1 opens the first box and I'm waiting for her to hand me the second box. I'm glad I wasn't holding my breath. Score; two for her, 0 for me. I'm patient, I will get my revenge.

rubyiscoming said...

payback is a beeeeatch, isn't it? so, what didja get from hugh? how is lil jack's forehead healing up? that pic of him is priceless - I cringe to think of the future injuries and blood once we have children - I just hope I don't become a complete mental case, worrying about every bump and scrape!