Monday, November 27, 2006

We're Back

Unfortunately, the family was eaten by an octopus...

Catalina couldn't have been any better.... we went with friends, and took a couple of lovely condos in Hamilton Cove (for the record, there were 82 steps up to our condo... 82!) for the long weekend and between much eating of turkey and drinking of Bellinis, there was shopping and golf and "inner island tours" complete with bison sighting.

On the inner island tour, the children opted to sit together which left us, the old adults, sitting on the long bench seat in the back of the bus... you know, where the cool kids sit? We liked our seats... we had a nice view and could swear without fear of the kids hearing us say things like, "One more fucking bump and I am going to fucking throw up."

Now, I don't know about you, but where I come from, the seats you have on the way to someplace, are the seats you automatically have on your way back from that same place. So, imagine our surprise when we reboarded the bus after our little stretch and photo-op at the Airport in the Sky, to see 2 little girls, both clearly under the age of 7, sitting in 2 of our 4 seats.

Tori and Dave are Scottish and therefore it is genetically impossible for them to say things like, "Hey, kids, better go and join your parents." They very quietly took the seats across from said slacker mom and dad while Hugh and I joined the little snotters. Well, I am not from the UK, I am from the rude US of A and so I said to the mother, "Would you like to switch seats so you can sit with your kids?" and she said, "No, we're happy to not sit with them!" Um excuse me? So, I said, "Listen, if you don't want to sit with them, what makes you think we want to sit with them?" and all she did was giggle! I wanted to smack her right down the Isthmus! 5 seconds into the ride, the kids started acting up and I sent the older one up to switch places with her Dad... and then, when he glared at me as he sat down, I just giggled.

There was the requiste "odd but sweet encounter with people who spill their life stories" because that is what people do when I am around... do you want to hear about the woman whose mother died and left her 3 pieces of jewelry but her siblings 14 million dollars? Or, would you prefer to hear about the sherriff who pulled over to tell us that I was the most important person in our family?

Jack's space retainer broke and, because Catalina, though a mere 26 miles from Dana Point, is 50 years behind the times and upon disembarking from the ferry one enters the Twilight Zone of medical facilities where there are no dentists on call, Hugh ended up clipping off the remaining end with a new pair of fingernail clippers and filing the rough edge down with an emery board...


He's not a dentist, he just plays one on Catalina...
(Don't worry, we gave Jack vodka a coke to kill any germs...)

Once I get You Tube to cooperate, I can show you all the future of golf... one hint, she is tiny and cheats.




34 comments:

mollymcmommy said...

YAYAYAYA! do i get to be first?
m

mollymcmommy said...

i had to post that quick so i would be first! sounds like a great trip and good for you for kicking out that kid. i would have been itching to bitch slap that mom

and YES, the back of the bus was where the cool kids sat! LOL!

m

Oh, The Joys said...

Welcome back and please ride all buses with me in the future!

Los said...

The back of the bus was also the bumpiest - but I still loved it as well!

Melissa said...

SOunds like you had a blast. I would have told the kids to move right off the bat, but I'm a mean biotch that way. ;)

I bet coke will kill germs faster than anything else will. It will take the erosion off of a car battery. Hmm, I wonder what it's doing to my stomach right now.

M3 (Mary-Mia) said...

Ok, the emergency dental repair is classic! Hope Rod has skillz like that when the time comes. :-)

J.D. said...

Since you've been gone so long, I will let you slide this once for using the word "here" when you should have used "hear." :)

Kristin said...

J.D. - I got it right in the first example! Ack, the nuns of my teen years are rolling in their grammar graves... I must fix the damage!

Connie said...

What a great trip!

Lovin' the dental skills

Oh - I want to hear all of the good stories people frop on ya.

Jill said...

Sounds like a great time (retainer problems aside). Love the picture of the Octopus family!

Mrs. Chicky said...

Where was your husband when I was going through orthodontic hell? I could have used him to break me out of that damn head gear.

Sounds like your vacation was great. Glad you had fun!

Anonymous said...

Your blog is full of vacations. Hawaii, Santa Fe, ski weekends, beach houses and now Catalina. Doesn't your husband ever have to work? I love reading you because your life is so different from mine, but I am curious just how you manage to lead such a carefree life.

hautemama said...

I come from the same planet-nanunanu. You are halarious!!! Tell us more tell us more!!

Kristin said...

Anonymous, I lead my carefree life with the help of some serious pharmecuticals.

My husband does work... Hugh is in real estate investments... he doesn't take pharmecuticals.

We don't travel nearly as much as we would like... the children's pesky school schedule prevents us from taking off when we feel like it, but we are fortunate enough to get a few trips in a year... nothing too extravagant, but we like to get away.

I am glad you enjoy my blog... eventually I hope you stop being "anonymous".

Angry Dad said...

So it's not just me who gets to be rude to tourists on inner island trips?!!

Eric said...

Why limit your home medical care to just emergency dentistry? I say, if a kid needs an appendectomy, Hugh is your man for the job. Some box cutters and needle-nose pliers should do the trick.

Kristin said...

Eric-

Our co-pays are outrageous... don't give him any ideas!

Jenn said...

Welcome back! Sounds like a wonderful way to spend the holidays! And boy do that man have talent!

eastcoastermomma said...

People always tell me their personal business too!
Catalina sounds like a great place to spend some time.

Becky said...

can't wait to see the video

carrie said...

Nice dental skills by your hubby!!! I love Thanksgiving stories, mostly because they are all so colorful, full of strange and unusual people and FUN!!! Yours was great!

Carrie

ps. Can't wait to see the wee golfer in your family!

Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

I love how you handled that and your comment about why would you want to sit with them. Too funny. Wow people are so rude!

Sounds like a great trip.

Lisa

InterstellarLass said...

What fun! Sounds way more exciting than Nick yelling at the guy who cut us off in the parking lot.

Kristen said...

I can't wait to see what the future of golf's cheating strategy is... ; ) and I love the octopus picture!

Jodi said...

OHHH OHHH OHHH I want to go to Catalina, that sounds cool. Can't wait for the video.

Recovering Wino said...

You are so funny..I can't believe you had to sit with someone else's kids!

Susie Sunshine said...

What an adorable family! (Yours, not the ones on the bus. WTF with people pawning their brats off on strangers?! I HATE that!)

Jenny said...

Cheating is the future of golf.

Yay! The world is finally catching up to me.

sweatpantsmom said...

I'd like to take you on my next bus tour, sister.

But first I need to get my giggle down.

Kevin Charnas said...

you are so damn funny, i just love you. I LOVE that you said that to the parents and then you sent the kid up to exchange seats with the Dad...

we have yet to go to Catalina together...I've never been there. My parents met there. Mom was working at Central Casting in Hollywood and Dad was a Naval Officer stationed at Long Beach. This was in the early 50's. Can you imagine how romantic a time that was?

anyway, glad that you had a great time and yes, whatever seats you had on the way, you have on the way back...or else.

Pendullum said...

You were obviously travelling with Hoodlums that do not know proper bus ettiquette...
Glad youare back...
And LOOOOVE The shot of the family of Octopi!!!

sunshine scribe said...

Welcome back!!

Pattie said...

I've tried to comment several times, but Blogger is being a pain in the tookus...
I hope you get this:
Anyway, Welcome Back! Next time you go on vacation, let me know. I am totally stowing away in your bags.

rubyiscoming said...

can't wait to see miss eva doing her thang on the golf course - i see a nancy lopez set of junior golf clubs in her future!