Friday, September 15, 2006

Friday Night Drunken Blogging - Now With More Wine Coolers

Do you see how fun we are? It's 9:38 pm and we are home. HOME! And I started drinking Pina Colada wine coolers many hours ago and HA! DOn't you laugh at my wine coolers because they are liquor-goodness. Good-ness! And Hugh is walking around singing, "If you like penis-coladas..." Man, we are lame.

We have been unpacking. Unpacking sucks. Sucks! And I have had it. I do not wish to make the children try on any more of the stupid pants and shirts and shorts that I packed up back in July... I am just going to give them all away. This is how my children do it: I hand them a pair a black Quicksilver pants and I ask, "who's pants?" and then they both deny ownership. Like the pants, crept into our house on their own. They are squatter pants. They belong to NO LEGS in this house. And, even though they are very clearly marked with our last name on the label, indicating that they have been to some sort of activity where we had to Sharpie things, they are still not our pants! NOT OUR PANTS!!

So, fuck 'em. One pair of size 7x pants in the "to go" pile. Along with every 3rd item pulled from the box.

Also, the Legos. We have a lot of them. We have kits and Bionicles and random pieces and a child who wants to be a Lego employee when he grows up so that he can master making round objects out of square pieces for money. I have given him a sort of plastic 3-drawer thing and suggested that all Legos find a home there and if we can't fit them all in then we have too damn many and perhaps he should start constructing himself a little house out of all those pokey pieces.

The husband. The husband had the job of assembling the safety rails for Eva's big girl bed. When the boys were small this was a one part item. It was an "L" shaped thing that had a flat part that went between the mattress and the boxspring and then there was a net type barrier that prevented the little darlings from falling to their doom. Now, they are a bit more complicated and there was screwing and measuring and latching and after doing one, Hugh thought perhaps that was it. When I pointed out that there was a second side of the bed, he mentioned that she could just sleep on the safe side. Seriously. I am not making that up.

The husband is also walking around with several rum and Cokes in his system and a hammer in his hand and wanting to, "Get the art off the floor, already!" Personally, I think we are going to regret hanging anything tonight, but he is hard to stop when he gets like this.

My youngest son has taken all my bobby pins and made a sleeping bag for a small stuffed manatee.

The people in this house with a penis are a little annoying on a Friday night.

42 comments:

Kristin said...

Penis coladas. Heh.

Margaret said...

Thank goodness you have Eva to help balance things out a bit?

(And Legos? Ugh. Whoever invented those doesn't have children.)

wzgirl said...

Seems like the Wine-Cooler-Penis-Coladas really do a great job in encouraging a humorous perspective in a crazy situation. I've got to go look into those things. Also sounds like wine coolers have made quite an improvement since my high school Bartles & James days.

Joannah said...

Great, now I'm going to have that lame song stuck in MY head all day long! ;-)

M3 (Mary-Mia) said...

>>>The people in this house with a penis are a little annoying on a Friday night.

Bwah ha! OMG, I nearly spit up when I read that last line. I am SO going to use that line one of these days.

Gracencameronsmomy said...

You are so funny! I was home at 9:38 last night reading "parents magazine". How lame am I?
Lisa

slackermommy said...

You're husband putting the bed together story reminds me about a story about my hubby. He was proudly putting together my son's bunk bed when I noticed that he put one side board THROUGH the ladder. Poor guy, he tries.

Gen said...

oh man - now I can't help but refer to Sean as the penis of the house -

and now the penis can't stop asking me if I want a penis-colada

many thanks my friend - this will be a very long annoying weekend ;)

Oh, The Joys said...

Ha! I love "sleep on the safe side" - Hugh is my kind of parent!!

mamatulip said...

The people in this house with a penis are a little annoying on a Friday night.

*snort*

Oh, how I have shared that sentiment many, many times...

carrie said...

Oh, my husband sings that "penis coladas" song EVERY time I have one!!! GAH!!! And the legos, and the bedrails, oh I am going to have to scour 2nd hand shops to find an old-style one for Katie's big girl bed because I don't think I have the patience for what you described! EEEEEEEEEK!

T.G.I.F.??? At least you didn't have to torture yourself going to see "The Black Dahlia" on your Friday night! Don't ask.

Carrie

F. said...

They belong to NO LEGS in this house.

That is some funny shit, lady!

Kristi said...

Me likey the liquor. I swear I'm going to do a drunk post someday. IT'S GONNA ROCK!!!

holly said...

Oh Girl. So wish we lived closer. You two sound just like us on a Friday night. Your hubby talks like mine....
This all sounds so familiar.

Kristen said...

That penis coladas thing is definitely something mine would say. Or that I would say LOL.

Tonight, it's a Saturday night wine, chocolate beer (oh yeah!) and mike's rita's night over here! I got spumoni ice cream too- maybe that was a mistake?

Melissa said...

Hahahaha, I am laughing at you. But really only because it is 11:12pm on Saturday and I've had Mikes Hard Cranberry Lemonade (3) and Nyquill and I'm still standing.

Penis Coladas are to dam cool. Shit, you guys should just make all the kids sleep on sleeping bags on the floor. You know they'd want too.

Yes, Legos are evil...we had huge ass boxes of them as kids...but barbie shoes are WAY WORSE.

Recovering Wino said...

Send the legos this way...my son spends hours building with them. I hate that they make a mess, but love love love that they intrigue him.

(Maybe you can send those since I NEVER GOT THE CHICKEN SALAD YOU PROMISED! I see how you drunks are. HA HA Just Kidding.)

Recovering Wino said...

And crap...I was singing that stupid song in Hawaii...and now it's going in my head with Penis. Excellent.

Tori said...

Love Hugh...
Penis-Coladas goes along with a host of other jingles he has in his repertoire....
No you have to watch out for those wine coolers..... too many and you'll be pouring paint thinner in the pool again and.... not remembering about it in the morning.....

Nicki said...

Wine coolers????? Now I know I have been pregnant the last decade ot so, but wine coolers??? Must try in, oh, 7 months or so. Having seen the boxes that left your house, it is quite possible the pants are squatting and the legos multiplied. Anything is possible..... And lovely manatee does deserve the bobby pin sleeping bag as he makes Jack so happy... you would make his bed out of gold if you had to. and do tell about the snarky anonymous comments. Been out of touch for a while, you know, nasty isolated sick child and all...

Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

The only way to unpack is to drink penis coladas. Otherwise, untolerable!

At least Eva's bed will have one safety rail.
My husband said if our son falls out of his big boy bed, he will learn the natural boundaries of the bed. Sigh. The bed is super low to the ground, and you know it actually worked. Don't tell him I told you that.


Lisa

Pattie said...

Love the last line about the penisis in the house....*LOL*
Sounds like Mommy needs an escape for a night! :)

Heather said...

Hah finally someone else who calls them penis coladas!

Jodi said...

OH LAWDY! How did everything look on Saturday morning? And boy howdy, do I ever wish I lived closer. I would come hang out on the nights you were "throwing away" little boys clothes! :)

Penis coladas, HILARIOUS.

Mrs. Chicky said...

Um, do you like getting caught in the rain too? Personally, I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne.

:)

Hope your head doesn't feel like an anvil fell on it and your art went up in all the right places.

Jenny said...

Squatter pants.

Hee.

I adore the idea of squatter pants.

hautemama said...

penis coladas LOL. Glad
i'm not the only twisted one out there in the blogosphere!

Lisa said...

If anyone needed a "penis coladas" it sounds like it is YOU. heehee.

Oh and I'll take all of those boy clothes that no one wants! My kid needs some new clothes. heeheee

Christina_the_wench said...

A woman after my own heart. "Noone claims these? Out they go!"

ciodude said...

(lol) Someone needs to defend the penis(es) of the house. We do provide many valuable household services!

We bought some This End Up beds when they were goiong out of business, (sorta like this, http://www.thisendup.com/catalog/3/172.htm) for the kids, super sturdy, the safety rails are built right into the sides - end to end, no safety "gaps". We just rotate the beds to the next child/children needing a "big kids" bed" and the older one into a regular bed.

Los said...

Thank you - now I have that Pina Colada song in my head! Well, at least it's better than a Brittany song.

Becky said...

lol. you crack me up

InterstellarLass said...

Wine coolers...I personally prefer martinis. Mmmm...martinis...

Pendullum said...

Penis Coladas?
Sleep on the safe side????
Rum and Cokes and a hammer???

And he's all yours Kristen... All yours!!!

Wanna read how Saturday morning looked after all those 'Penis coladas'!

Mel said...

Just on a Friday night???
My penis-bearer is always annoying.
Heh.
Oh, yeah, and I tagged you. Ha ha!

rubyiscoming said...

Nothin' like a little testosterone in your household, eh? Is hubby reading directions...mine just curses, skips several lines of directions, and then makes a rum and coke :)

rubyiscoming said...

not only do we say "penis colada" but we also enjoy "penis butter and jelly" sammies :)

sweatpantsmom said...

This is too funny. I was laughing all the way from 'squatter pants' to 'people in this house with a penis.'

And my husband has muttered that exact "...art off the floor" phrase. But usually I just stare at him, which is probably why our walls are still bare.

Jenn said...

Did you give EVERYONE Penis Coladas?!?!?!

mollymcmommy said...

penis coladas, right up my alley kristen! :)

m

lildb said...

you're funny and I love you.

and I hope you're all through with the reinstallation of the family in the house. because, gah. what a pain in the arse.

Kevin Charnas said...

Great. Now I'm singing, "If you like Penis coladas..." Hugh's pretty damn funny, I can't believe that's never come to mind when I've heard that song.