Monday, March 20, 2006

Open Letter to the Couple at Jack in the Box...

Dear Couple at Jack in the Box,

Clearly you had us mistaken for other people. We realize that it was nearing the midnight hour and we were waiting for curly fries and that one of us was barefoot because her damn shoes were hurting after 3 hours of dancing and we realize that you had probably seen us over at the Sandpiper knocking back cocktails like our life depended on it and we understand why these things may have seemed like an indication to you that we were wild and crazy party people when we actually were just having a big night out because the kids were spending the night with their grandfather and we were aware that we could sleep in Sunday morning. However, how could you know that? All you saw was the vodka, the bare feet and the curly fries.

It was friendly (but weird) of you to invite us over to your house and maybe some people actually take you up on your offer, but we are, even drunk, cautious people and the idea didn't really appeal to us. But, you know, thanks. My question to you, girl half of couple, is this: Why, after our polite, No thank you, we are heading home, did you think that pulling your partner's pants down so we could see his (in your words) "big b***s" was the logical next move?

Did you get that Internet? She pulled his pants down and he stood there, jeans all puddled around his ankles, with his clearly not a Jumbo Jack dangling for all the world, and worse, me, to see.

I suppose that you have had some success with this move and you were therefore giving it the old college try. We really had no idea that your initial invitation was an attempt to pick us up and, while surprised that we appear to be a couple that might drive a van with an airbrushed mural of a seascape and an cobra headed gear shift and who grow pot in their basement and spend their free time going to parties where keys are tossed into a basket at the front door, swinging is not something we have any interest in... other than to make fun (and be slightly grossed out) of the whole concept. Swinging! Apparently alive and well in Orange County.

We do think, however, that you made the friendly and very gay Jack in the Box counter employee really happy, so that was, in retrospect, a surprise altruistic sidebar to what was, to say the least, a fairly repulsive sales move.

As we walked home (both barefoot as one of us showed much husband-ly support by also shucking shoes) we were convinced that you folks were just wasting your time trying to score a couple to party with... who would fall for the friendly (but weird), "come to our house for wine..." line?

We may be a little slow on the uptake but others are not.

No one is that foolish.

***

I have removed the link to the above blog. YIKES!

23 comments:

eastcoastermomma said...

NO WAY!! Weird things happen sure happen to you a lot.

Is your friend going to blog about what happened?

Kristin said...

I don't know... I too, am curious to hear how that little shocker was handled.

Jodie said...

OMG! That happened to a friend of mine and her husband! The couple who was propositioning them was VERY persistent too...perhaps bordering on desperate! Weirdos!

Wendy said...

Just ewww!

Lisa S. said...

OMG! That is hilarious.....drunk or not I would have been like....NO NO AND NO. And I love how you tell the story! You make me laugh every time!

Joannah said...

That is awful! Yuck! But your retelling was quite entertaining!

Johnny said...

You partay animals!

Northern Stargirl said...

To quote everyone else here, OMG!

Should I be jealous? No one hits on me and my husband! Ha ha ha!

Great story

Nicki said...

details, we need the details of said "other girl's" night of wine with strangers....


And to think internet thought you lived a quiet little life as a SAHM....

Tori said...

Oh ok...
Go to my blog and I'll tell you what happened....
I shall call it.... swingin Saturday nite...
Enter if you dare
And if you see any children nearing the screen... shoo them away....

J.D. said...

Kristin, can I borrow your life for the weekend? It's obviously more exciting than mine.

"M" said...

Ok, now that is hysterical!! OMG. What people will do sometimes... amazes me.

So, how were the curly fries? After that, I'm not sure I could have eaten! ROFL.

Melissa
babyheaton.blogspot.com

Sandy said...

Oh that's hilarious (from my vantage point of reading it and not experiencing it)! Bottom line though...EEEWWWWWW!

Kristin said...

Melissa, you would be right... there were no curly fries consumed that night!

Anonymous said...

"clearly not a Jumbo Jack"... snort Laugh Chuckle. At work. Not work appropiate.

Kathryn M. said...

Oh dear, what a night and your friend's blog post was a bit of a shock... you must be extrememly glad that you and the lovely Hugh had the sense to skip the "wine"!!

Colleen said...

It's my first time to your blog and I gotta tell you I'm laughing my butt off right now. The story itself is oh, so gross but the way you wrote it is absolutely hilarious! Thanks for the laugh while I'm working!

Holly said...

There is something about Jack in the Crack (we've always called it that). Weirdos abound. You & Hugh may want to rethink your next mid-night snack choices.

I worked at Jack for 2 months back as a teenager. My final night at the drive through consisted of a customer driving up to the window wearing nothing but a hard on.
Looking back, I wished I would of pointed and laughed.

Anonymous said...

Oh Kristin
You are such a great storyteller...
But I wonder about your friend...
Presumably she's not from your church right?

Mel said...

Ewwwww.

ciodude said...

(lol) Stuff like that never happens to me!

M3 (Mary-Mia) said...

OMG, I probably would have thrown up from laughing so hard. You guys crack me up -- that kind of stuff NEVER happens to us, and I don't know whether to be relieved or offended. ;-)

Nicole said...

wow, that never happens to me either, thank goodness! Sounds like an interesting night though!